Riley's Spot

A long time

2011-02-21T21:12:00.000-08:00

Well, it has been awhile since I wrote something in here. It hasn't been for lack of anything happening. Mainly, it was just laziness. I have sat wanting to get things off my chest, but I would find myself gravitating to something more....interactive. I'm talking video games.

So what have I been doing? Well, if you count floating in this septic tank we call Spokane a "thing" then I have been doing it quite well. It is not that Spokane has lost any of it's charm since 2005 when I decided to stay, it never really had any. I stayed to be closer to my daughter which ironically I haven't seen in so long I have stop keeping count. It's not from lack of trying. I have brought cases against her mom. I tried contacting her a long time ago, but I got the run around just like my lawyer got the run around for so long.

That isn't the reason Spokane sucks though, the reason is that the comedy scene here is not what it's cracked out to be. Spokane is a conservative area so comedy here has to be a certain way. Giving that a lot of comics are on the liberal side, comedy doesn't take off here. We have two comedy clubs and all kinds of other stuff, but comedy is more of a distraction to keep people buying alcohol. It isn't to be seen as an art form, which is pretty crappy when you work on a good bit and you don't actually get a good response unless you are in a more "progressive" town.

With my daughter and my the state of comedy in Spokane both weighing on me, I have been focusing on my degree. A degree I don't plan to use. I think right now it is a goal I need to get out of the way. I don't know what might happen, so I don't want to be caught in a situation where I can't do comedy like I want and I have no means of making a good living.

I can feel the trouble

2010-07-04T03:17:00.000-07:00

I am nervous about my living situation. A little over a year ago I moved into a guys house that was renting out rooms. Everything seemed solid until I moved in and realized that he was selling the house. I mean, who doesn't bother telling the person you just rented a room out to that you may be selling the damn house. Well, everything was cool up until recently when I looked out the window and there is a big ole FOR SALE BY OWNER sign stuck into the ground. Also, there was this guy carrying a clipboard (henceforth named clipboard man) and although I do not know what or who he was looking for it got me really nervous. Then to top it off, One of my roommates just moved out earlier today. This has me nervous.

It may not be the best place on the planet to stay, but it is all I have. This is what I call home. I like living here because I am left alone. I have realized since being here that I like being by myself. I don't have to worry about whether or not some one likes me or if they will stab me in the throat. I just like being one with my thoughts. The problem with that is that with my limited income I have to rely on someone else for room and board. That means roommates. I have only lived with people a couple of times and the time previous to this was not pleasant to say the least.

What has me nervous is the fact that he may be losing the house but just hasn't told me yet. I don't want to come home and see that I have no home. What if I can't find another place that fast? I have been out on the streets twice in my life and I can remember one emotion. Loneliness. Not the kind of loneliness you have when you are missing someone, but the kind where you don't know your place in the world, or that the place you were assuming became undone and now you are lost as to where to go next. Since it is the weekend of the 4th I will have to see Monday. I really feel like crying.

Hello

2010-06-08T14:34:00.000-07:00

I have been trying to get back into writing. It's not that I don't have the time, or I am busy trying to save the planet or something, it's just that I kind of stopped caring about a lot of the things I used to cherish. I don't know if it is because I am getting older so I just stop doing things or I am really just getting sick of the world. This blog started as a way for me to help myself when I was going through my divorce. I think it did that. It also helped me become a better comedian because the things I wrote here helped me when I took them on stage.

As a whole I have been doing comedy and just trying to survive. Since my last real entry I have gone through 3 addresses, two cars and about 5 World of Warcraft characters that are level 80. I have had the urge to write throughout the months but always stopped because that is what I do. I see something I should do and then...I wait.

Comedy has been good, I guess, I am still in Spokane so that may give you a slight hint about how my career is going. I have been slowly pushing for headlining gigs. Not because I can't do it, just that I don't really want to do it. In order to pay the bills though I will have to start headlining, but until then I will keep working the feature spot. The only problem with that is that I have so much material I want to do that I usually go over. I don't want to be a dick to the other comedians so I think the best thing to do is just start looking for headlining work.

It's been awhile

2010-02-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

I have not posted on my blog for awhile. I have been posting on myspace because people where there. Now it is like a ghetto so it is time to come back. New post coming soon!

E3 2008: Sony's Press Event

2008-07-15T13:41:00.001-07:00

Sony was the last of the big three to show what they have in store for consumers this holiday season and they came out swinging for the fences. They have a three pronged attack with PS2, PSP, and PS3. They showed off Resistance 2 and although it didn't look that good, the people in the crowd really seemed to like it. I liked the first Resistance so I will probably like this one as well. The conference then moved on to sales figures and although they needed their best spin doctors to make the numbers look good, with the help of their other big game Little Big Planet they were able to make the numbers really entertaining. Little Big Planet is basically a game that lets the users created levels and make a game that they envisioned. They built a level where their little mascot, named sackboy, ran through a level activating switches that showed the numbers the presenter was talking about. It was really entertaining to say the least.

They then went on to Playstation Network and announce that they were going to be delivering games and TV shows through their service. You can rent movie for 2.99 up to 5.99 and buy Standard and High Def movies and TV programs from 1.99 to 14.99 The coolest part was that you could hook your PSP to your PS3 and download the movie onto it. That gives you the ability to rent a movie and take it with you (great way to shut the kids up). You can also do this through your PC as well. They have about 6 content providers, but since Sony owns a TON of movie studios we will probably be seeing a lot more later on.

They showed off a trailer to God of War 3 that really left a lot to the imagination and they showed a new game called Mag from the people that created SOCOM: Navy Seals. MAG is an online multiplayer game that will let up to 256 people battle online. That is a lot of damn people! The trailer they showed was not bad, but I would have liked to see more footage.

Another cool little thing they added was through GranTurismo 5: Prologue. Now you can watch a car programs though their GT TV section. I think you have to pay for it so I will not be venturing through it any time soon.

I was a bit disappointed in the fact that Sony could have done something else with the PSP to make it even more kick ass, but I guess that will be next year. I was more excited about the movie download service then most of the games and that is a bad sign. I love the things the PS3 can do, but one thing it has been loosing it's grip on as of late is the amount of kick ass games you could only get on a PS3. They used to have Grand Theft Auto and Final Fantasy and now they have neither to themselves. Not looking good. Riley Rating: 8.0

E3 2008: Microsoft and Nintendo Press Conferences

2008-07-15T10:17:00.001-07:00

This year's Electronic Entertainment Expo is to be thought of in rather dire terms. A lot of companies (like Activision Blizzard) are not even showing up so the only reason to pay attention is for the big three to show what they have in store for gamers in the coming months. Yesterday, Microsoft came out and today Nintendo and Sony both get a chance to let gamers know why they should spend money on their stuff.

Microsoft: The Xbox 360 is pretty much at a crossroads. They have been out the longest, but they have had a number of slip ups along the way (limited stock, hardware failing). Microsoft came out Monday and gave the world a glimpse at some of the biggest games to come to the system in the next 8-9 months. They showed a demo of Fallout 3 by Bethesda which looks really good and I personally am excited for. Then they showed one of my favorite franchises Resident Evil 5. This one take place in Africa and has co-op play with a new female character tagging along with Chris Redfield. The demo I was most impressed with was Gears of War 2. This was my favorite game of 2006 and somehow it looks even better.

The surprises with Microsoft don't stop there though. They then showed off a retooling of the Xbox 360 dashboard. Instead of the bladed style that it used to have, it is now going for a more menu like look. They are also coming out with something called avatars where you basically created a Nintendo Wii looking representation of yourself and that will be like you profile picture of the old Xbox 360 dashboard. Personally, I am not to excited about this feature because I like the way the blades are now, but I can see how Microsoft is really trying to make it look more friendly to non gamers.

Along with the new dashboard comes new content providers for their video marketplace. NBC Universal will be provided a crap load of content in the coming months. What really sealed the deal for me though was their partnership with Netflix to provide their streaming movie service through the Xbox 360. If you have a netflix account that lets you watch their instant movie catalogue you will be able to do so from the comfort of you couch. I love netflix and think this was probably the biggest news at the show so far. With the games they showed and the new feature they provide I think they gave a great E3 press conference. Riley Rating: 8.0

Nintendo: A couple years ago everyone was looking at Nintendo like you look at a wounded dog. They were limping around and everyone was waiting for them to die. Now Nintendo is at the top of the mountain and they spent most of their conference stating that fact. They brought out a bunch of numbers showing how they are obtaining an audience who would otherwise not play a video game. They started the show showing Shaun White Snowboarding for the Wii. You can do it on the new Wii balance board and they had Shaun White himself showing just how easy it is.

They then showed a Wii version of Animal Crossing that left me unimpressed. It is more or less the same thing except you will be able to visit other players towns. It will come with a Wii microphone that is placed on your TV like the sensor bar and allow a whole room of people talk to each other. I don't know if I want what is said around me thrown around online into other people's homes, but I haven't tested it yet so I don't know.

They then showed a lot of stuff coming for the DS. Mainly another Guitar Hero game. There was a rumor stating that Nintendo would be coming out with a DS that didn't have the GBA (Game Boy Advance ) port, but now I seriously doubt that.

They also showed off their new little device called the Wii motion plus. It plugs into the bottom of the Wii remote and will simulate 1:1 motion with your body. They then showed off a new Wii Sports game that will take advantage of the device. Wii Sports Resort will have a beach vib to it. The game that got me the most excited was the sword fighting game.

Miyamoto (the guy that made Mario and Zelda) came out to show off another game called Wii Music. Unlike other music games this one will not have you hitting buttons to on screen stuff. You basically hold the Wii Remote like you would hold that real life instrument and then pretend like you are playing that instrument. They will have 50 songs for the game when it comes out. It looked really simple, but maybe they had a lot of practice with it.

I was really disappointed with Nintendo's conference. They came out, beat their chest for a bit and then showed everyone a bunch of games for people that just want to do something until they go out to drink. I really thought they would show off a new handheld or a storage solution to the Wii, but all they showed was a bunch of numbers and pictures of old people playing DS's. Riley Rating: 6.5

Sony has yet to com out so there are more surprises waiting!

Review: Grand Theft Auto IV PS3

2008-05-21T15:55:00.000-07:00

Games have come a long way. I remember playing GTA 2 on a computer in our schools library. The game was a guilty pleasure. Never before could you run over people and deliver drugs in a game (at least I hadn't played it yet). GTA 3 changed the way games were looked at. Instead of being something children played, people finally started to see that grown ups liked to get their game on as well. Now with GTA 4 getting so much hype it is time to get an idea of it from the view point of someone that has nothing to gain from it. My black ass.

GTA 4 is the sequel to one of the most popular games of all time. GTA3 and their sequels gave people an open world in which to do (almost) anything they wanted. That included killing hookers. GTA 4 bumped up the visuals made a world even more believable and gives you one of the better stories ever in a video game.

You play Niko Bellic. An immigrant fresh off the boat looking to make a better life for himself. He does have a cousin in Liberty City (GTA 4's version of N.Y.C) that has been lying to him about how he has been living it up. Niko then begins doing what he does best. Kill people and be a bad ass. You get your missions through lovely, detailed cinematics that show off the detail of each character in the game. You drive around town in a variety of cars (stolen or otherwise) completing missions and causing havoc.

The world of GTA 4 is alive. Day or night there is always something going on and I think this is the biggest improvment in the game. In the middle of the day you will have people walking down the street talking to each other engaging in a number of activities. Even the illegal kind. Once I was walking down the street minding my business when a cop started running towards me. I was about to shoot when I noticed that he was running after another guy. That was cool. Niko also has a cell phone and you can call a variety of numbers. I called 911 just to see what would happened and I got a cop to show up to my location. They also have a bunch of radio stations that play music or even talk shows. I like completing a mission and then getting in a car to hear about my destruction on the newswire.

There are a number of things to do in this game. You can of course complete the game. Or if you are tired of killing people you can play bowling, pool, darts, or just go out on a date with one of the ladies you meet and try to get "lucky". This game will keep you busy for awhile.

Now the problems. People talk about the story as if it is akin to the Godfather or something. It is basically the same story about a bad guy doing bad things for maybe the right reason that you have seen and heard before. What makes it different is that it is well written and that doesn't happen much in a video game.

There is also a problem with the framerate dipping when a lot of stuff is going on on screen at once. It is hard to say this game is a technical acheivement when they could not keep the framerate at at least 30 frames a second.

With that being said it is already being said this is the game of the year. And I don't see why not

Riley score-9.5

Verizon Blackberry Curve 8330 review

2008-05-21T15:39:00.000-07:00

When it comes to phone I am a fanatic. When I am out and about I prefer to look at a lady's phone and not her...well you know what I mean. I have gone through many smartphones and all of them seemed to be missing something. That is until I got myself a blackberry.

The first ever blackberry I bought was a used Blackberry pearl 8130. I fell in love with it's ease of use but the keypad and UI needed work in my opinion. Then I got myself a blackberry Curve 8330 from Verizon and although smartphones still need some work this is the best one I have had so far.

Just looking at the phone there is not anything different from the Curves that have been out there for over a year. The biggest difference is that with Verizon (and Sprint) you get 3G which means faster connections when surfing the web. The biggest difference from the Pearl to this phone is the keyboard. Instead of fighting with suretype (which was good but not the best) you can get the accuracy that you need with a full QWERTY keyboard. The buttons are spaced apart enough that you won't find yourself hitting multiple buttons. I text way more then I call so this is a device made just for me.

Another thing that is evident with all blackberries is their ability to bring your email everywhere you go. All you ahve to do is set up your email account through the phone and in no time you are getting your email messages on your phone. It doesn't do HTML email so you get a bunch of stuff with your email, but I heard an update is coming that will fix that. Another problem I have with the email is that if you have several days worth of email on there you have to go to each one and delete them. I would like to be able to delete the ones I want all at one time.

The browser is the closest thing from the iphone/ipod touch that you are going to get to the real internet in your hand. I love this browser way more than the one on the aging Palm OS. With 3G you can surf around the web in realative quickness and you get an accurate representation of the net on your phone.

It comes with a media player, voice recorder, camera, and video camera. I like the pictures that it take although it will not make you give up your stand alone camera. I really wished that phones would bump up the cameras to 3MPs (megapixels). I also wished phone makers would make a better video camera. I don't need HD worth video but I do want to make out what the hell I was recording. You can put videos and songs on it (better if you have a micro sd card) and watch them in full screen mode. I would get something else to do this if you are one of those people that doesn't like to charge their phones every night (like my wife).

In all I think blackberry has the top smartphones on the planet (I would like to get a sony ericsson but they don't mess with Verizon). I really want blackberry to give the UI a little push to make it look more user friendly then what they have right now. A better camera is also a want but what they have right now is that bad.

Riley score-8.5

60.88

2008-04-28T23:28:00.001-07:00

That is how much I paid for a tank of gas. This is fucking ridiculous! I thought this was the reason why we went into Iraq (fucking protesters lieing again!). I would not feel bad if these oil companies were struggling, but they made 40 billion last year. Yes, 40 billion! That is a lot of fucking people over they have done. There has to be a point where the gas gets to a price where everyone just fucking goes crazy and start hijacking fuel trucks. Does Bush think the stimulus package is going to help this at all?
So, Grand Theft Auto IV is hours from release and I am not that excited for it. I have Super Smash Bros on my Wii (stop giggling). I have MLB 08 on my PS3. I have Final Fantasy VII: Crisis Core on my PSP. I have no time to play other shit! But strangely for some reason I want to go sit in line for 2 hours and get it early. I think it has something to do with the fact that I can hang out with other geeks and do geeky shit. That is like a crackhead. A crackhead likes to smoke his/her crack in a crackhouse because like minded people are partaking in the same activities. Now, you pull a crack pipe out in the TV section of Best Buy...
I don't know if I am getting the stimulus package. I qualify because I am a Veteran getting compensation (I call it shut up money) so I will get it because of the amount I got last year. 300 bucks is what they say people like me will get. That is just enough to get the new blackberry curve when it comes out for Verizon. That is as far as I have thought it out. Because lets face it 300 bucks is not a lot of money. That is the kind of money you win at a poker game or find on a dead hooker. You are not thinking about life and death type stuff with 300 bucks. Now, if I was getting that 1200 dollars then I would think about paying a bill or two, but for now 300 is enough to get my phone and a BJ from that sprague hooker I have had my eye on for a couple of weeks now.

Palm sickens me!

2008-03-28T15:30:00.000-07:00

I have been a palm device user in one shape or form for over 5 years now. I have used the Sony Clies (Palm OS) and I now have a Palm 700p. I have had a Palm phone for over almost 2 years and in that 2 years I have seen Palm go from hot device maker to the Plymouth of the electronics industry. They have done nothing but run the Palm name into the ground and I do not think there is any way for them to turn this around. Maybe they are waiting for someone to swoop in and buy them up. At this rate they either get bought or they will have to shut down.

How do you start off talking about the downfall of Palm? Well, lets talk about the OS first of all. The Palm OS has been heralded in the past for being user friendly. That was in 2000. It is 2008 and ever device OS has tried to make changes except Palm. Palm hasn't released an update to this thing in years and they just seem content on letting it die lonely in a field somewhere.

Now lets just talk about the devices themselves. They released the Centro, but I consider that the little bastard of the Treo family line. There is nothing there that a power user will want to use. The Treo line, which is suppose to be their bread and butter is an ugly piece of equipment compared to other smartphones on the market. The last update was the Treo 755 and it is a brick of a phone that only takes off the antenna. Is that all R&D at Palm has learned is wrong with the phone? That the little nub had to go! Let's go down the list. It is big as all hell. It is heavy. There is no WiFi option on any of their phones and they just don't seem to give a damn.

I know what you may be saying, "Well, if you don't like them so much why do you still have one?" Mainly because I blew my money on a Ipod touch (32Gb) and I have to save up to get my hands on another smartphone just so I can get away from Palm. If Palm wants to regain their market share all they have to do is come out with a slim device that has WiFi and a usuable internet browser and I am good to go. Their next Palm OS update is not coming until next year but I think by then it will be to late.

PSPs and other gadgets

2008-01-31T13:27:00.000-08:00

I just bought myself one of these:

I like it a lot I really do. I must tell you before hand that this will be my THIRD PSP since they came out. I remember waiting inside of Wal-Mart for it and I think I bought the soccer game. I sold it about 3 months later because there really wasn't anything for me to play on it. Sony on the other hand has kept adding to it and adding to it and I gave it another try but again it was sold off I think for other games. When the PSP slim was announced last year I felt they could have done so much to make it better. They could have put some more memory in it. They could have put another analog nub on it so you would not have to use the face buttons as a second analog stick. Instead they made it smaller moved some things around and put more RAM in it to help with the loading of games (one of it's many problems). As a gadget it is really nice. You can surf the web with a hotspot or what I like the most is the fact that if you have a PS3 you can then use something called remote play and you can play things that are stored on your PS3 or on a computer that streams to your PS3. This makes it possible to have all of your videos photos and music avaiable to you at any time.

For a system that has been out 4 years though I have to say that the selection of games if very slim. I like strategy rpgs and that is mainly why I like portable gaming systems. The games do look better than they did when the system first game out but I am used to PS3 and 360 graphics and I am still in awe at what this little thing can do.

I am playing Jeanne D' Arc which is a strategy rpg and a pretty damn good one at that. I really like the mix of history and fatasy. Although I do feel like they were not as deep with the rpg aspects like using terrain as a way of dealing more damage. I can not believe that they have anime style cutscenes and great effects on 1.8gigs of UMD(that is the little disk things that are used to play games and even movies)

I am thinking of getting something else and that should hold me off until the school year starts again. I want to get either an ipod touch:

Or a Verizon xv6800 smartphone:

I have an ipod but I really like the video capabilities that are possible with the touch. I also feel like I need a new phone though. I have had my Treo 700p for over a year now and it has been buggy since I got it. It locks up for no reason. The internet function is useless because Palm's browser is not good enough for modern websites. And frankly I want to get away from Palm because they haven't really done anything worth while since early 2007. This phone is packed with features like Wi-Fi (!) EV-DO (High speed cellular service) and it has a bigger keyboard so when I am writing jokes into my phone I can do it in a faster fashion.

A New age in Gaming

2008-01-14T20:15:00.000-08:00

Wow! Isn't it a great time to be a gamer! I am one of the rare people that have all 3 systems which means I can indulge in all of the great games that are coming out on all systems. The biggest problem is sitting here wondering what game to get for what system.

I have been playing my PS3 a lot mainly because it is the newest of the 3 I have. I think the PS3 has a lot of potential to be a hub for all of your entertainment needs:

Pros:
High Def (Blu-Ray) built right in.
Multiple ways to get content in and out.

Cons:
Not many must have games
Price

I was able to get my PS3 for a steal so the price is only a bad thing to people who really don't want to spend that much for a system.

My Xbox 360 got a lot of play time during the winter break so it only seems fair to give it a rest for awhile. I still have Call Of Duty 4 for it whenever I feel like getting shot in the face by a 13 year old I can fire it up.

Pros:
Great online capabilities with Xbox 360
Great controller
Lots of great games

Cons:
Hardware failures
Price of Xbox Live

I still love my 360 I just love the tech behind the PS3 right now. It almost seems as though the year head start that the 360 had over the PS3 means nothing when you consider that the PS3 is better in a lot of areas than the 360.

The system I play the least, but hold very dear to my heart is my Wii. I waited in a line in front of Best Buy for almost 10 hours to get it and when people stop throwing crap games at it it will be a great system.

Pros:
Price
Innovation potential

Cons:
Crap games
Weird Controller

But no matter what I am glad I have the ability to play any of the new generation games.

Tech Holiday tips

2007-12-15T21:18:00.000-08:00

Here are some tips to help you with your gadgets this Holiday season.

-Rechargeable batteries will save you a lot of money in the long run. Make sure you tell your little one that instead of throwing them away to put them in the charger and leave you alone while your watching the game.

-If you are buying an HDTV and want to get extra spice out of those old dvds you may need to get an up converting dvd player. These dvd players will convert your video into lovely high definition video. You may also need an HDMI cable. Instead of spending 60 bucks on a cable go to a website like monoprice.com and get the same cable for WAY cheaper. Fuck you overpriced accessories!

-If you are buying a game off of your kids wish list, make sure you get the right game for the right system. Nothing stings more then waiting 6 months for that game only to have your mom buy you the PS3 version instead of the Xbox 360 version. Damn you mom!

-Another tip for those that want to go HD, you don't have to get cable or satellite to get that nice clear picture. All you need is an antennae to get over the air HD programming. Sure you won't get the spice channel in 720p, but you will be able to watch the fine programming that is on PBS (PBS shows porn at 4 in the morning).

-If you are going to buy a computer for your grandma then at least show her how to turn it on and install an anti-virus program onto the thing. Nothings worse then having your grandma calling you up because she is being bombarded with interracial porn sites and websites asking her if she wants to refinance her house.

-I think out of all the little tips this is the biggest one. If you have a "tech" person that you are shopping for and you don't know what to get them, then your best bet is a gift card. A gift card is the best way to make sure you will not get their gift wrong because they will get it themselves. It save your time as well. Instead of going into best buy and being confused with all the blinking lights and scantly clad women. Just run in there put some money on a card and then hand it to them and tell them to have a merry fucking Christmas.

Horror survival guide Part 1: Sharp object wielding maniacs

2007-10-27T18:48:00.000-07:00

I am what you would call a ghetto researcher. I base all my info off of movies that I have seen or read about. With that I am here to help you survive one of the leading causes of death among young people (at least in movies) and that is the crazy knife/axe/chainsaw wielding maniac that terrorizes a neighborhood/college campus/project building/porn shop. For some reason these guys always come out right around halloween time, kill a bunch of 18-25 year olds and then gets away somehow to kill again. So with that here are some simple tips to keep you safe.

1. Kill your crazy relatives: This is the first one because it will cause a lot less grief later on. There is always a crazy cousin or something that killed a shit load of cats in the neighborhood and got put in the crazy house and has now escaped and is wanting to kill you for some reason. Just bust a cap in their crazy ass now. I mean the family reunion will be a little weird but at least you won't have to worry about the crazy cat killing cousin anymore.

2. Minorities stay at home: If you are a minority then you should stay your dark ass home during this time of year. I have only seen one movie in which the minority survives til the end. If you are a black guy and you find yourself surrounded by a jock, a goth chick, the geek, the slutty blonde chick and a brunette....RUN! You can thank me later.

3. Don't hide in the closet: Why the hell would you hide in the closet or under the bed? These guys are masters at killing don't you think that is the first place they are going to look for you. They use these hiding spot themselves so of course they are gonna look there!

4. Dress for the occasion: Why do these women dress in a miniskirt and high heels when they know they are being chased down by a madman with a chainsaw? Don't be stupid wear some sneakers. When this guy sees you running in high heels he laughs and says "Are you kidding me!"

5. Never run into the woods: The woods is the last place you would want to run to get away from the crazy cat killing cousin. I rather run through rural Alabama with a shirt on that says "I love white bitches" Then run through the forest. When the guy sees you running into the forest he just shakes his head and goes "Is he even trying to stay alive." That is why they don't run behind you because they know you will fall and then they can chop your silly ass up.

6. Don't have sex!: Are you really that damn horny? Can't you wait until you know for sure that the cat killing cousin isn't looking at you through a window or laying in wait in the closet (see rule 3). This is a perfect time for him because he can kill to birds with one stone. And he got to see the slutty blonde chick's boobies for free.

7. Don't turn your back on the "dead" crazy guy: That fucker ain't dead! He could have half of is face hanging on by cheek skin and he will still get up and try to kill you and then you will have to pop a half dozen bullets into his crazy ass. Why so many bullets? These guys must be on cocaine or something.

8. Dye your hair brown: I find the easiest way to survive being sliced by a crazy madman that loves fucking up trick or treat is to dye your hair brown. Women with brown hair have an 80% chance of living. You not a woman? Who gives a shit don't you want to live! Dye your hair brown, stuff a bra and start denying people sex and you will make it to the final credits.So there you go, if you follow these rules I see no reason why you can't make it to the sequel in which you may survive again. Unless you are to old then you will die in the opening scene. Part 2 will help you against the onslaught of zombies that are bond to happen if another season of American Idol comes on.

Me and My Wii

2007-10-22T08:14:00.000-07:00

I was one of the first people in America with a Nintendo Wii, sitting outside of a local Best Buy for 8 hours in November Spokane weather (so you know if was raining then 80 degrees and then it started snowing testicles) just to get my hands on one. Since that time, I have played about 25 games on it and have owned about 5. That is pretty lame considering I play an excessive amount of games every year. What is it about the Wii that keeps people like me away? I think it has more to do with the fact that the Nintendo Wii is a great idea, but the games are not interesting to anyone but the "casual" game player.

A casual game player is someone like my landlord and friend Earl. Earl doesn't play video games. Hell, it is funny watching him turn on it powerbook. But you put a Wii controller in his hands and then pop in Wii Bowling and he can sit there for hours just trying to find out how much spin he needs to put on the ball.

This same game (and games like it) will be enjoyable to people like me for about 5 hours total and then you want something with more meat on it.I have played The Godfather, Metroid Prime, and other games that you would normally see me enjoy and on the Wii it has the interesting controls and stuff, but after that what is there left to play. Just a bunch of mini games. And I am not the type that just calls over his friends for some Mario Party 8.

Hopefully with games like Mario Galaxy and Smash Bros. coming out it will keep my Wii from collected dust, but other than that I see my Wii being barely used, just like my wii.

This is what I get

2007-09-26T00:33:00.000-07:00

I am one to keep my feelings close to my chest. I don't want them out because it makes things weird. Now, when that happens there are two things you can do. You can either say your piece try to get everything out in the open, but then get left with you heart on your sleeve, and an awkward situation. Or you can not say anything any bottle it all into your chest. I like the second one best. It is easier to maintain, and you don't have to get feelings and shit like that in the way. I normally will sit back and let shit do it's thing and then be pleased at myself for never letting my true intentions known. It is called being a pussy and it has worked for me for damn near 27 years and I don't know why I changed my tactics.

Now I am left with this smoking piece of shit that used to be my dignity and feel just as shitty when I had everything to myself (and a couple other people). I think I know better than anyone what I should and should not accomplish and relationships is just one of those things I will always have a problem with. Give me a mic and a stage and I will do some shit but give me one person of the opposite sex and I fuck it all to hell.

So, what do I do now? I know! The same thing I have been doing and it seemed to work. I will shut the fuck up when I have a thought, that way I don't look like an ass and I don't have to be up at 12 am on a school night typing shit on a myspace message board just so I can get enough sleep to not pass out in class!

I should just become a hermit. Hermits never have to worry about relationships and whether or not he will be the one or not. All a hermit needs is a shack (mine has to have Internet) a place to shit, some lotion and a place to hide the dead hitchhikers. You know, simple shit. They don't worry about women problems because they never shower. They eat roadkill and ramen noodles...I am half the way there!

But something draws me toward trying to keep this charade going. I only call it a charade because there is nothing but smoke and mirrors attached to a humans relationship to another. We are clothed animals that put way to much feeling into what is basically a mating ritual. Like there are some humans who will type all their "feelings" in a blog for tens of people to look at and laugh...oh wait.

The thing that keeps me going is not the fear of dying lonely or needing someone to pay half the bills. It is because I feel I need that balance. Something that only someone from the opposite sex (at least for me) can provide. Everyone needs a counterbalance no matter how much it hurts to actually deal with the actions invovled in a relationship.

But the only way to do that is to let people know what you are thinking, letting people into you mind and heart. I have trouble letting people into my apartment. What is over on the other side once you have told that person the one thing that has been eating at you for months. You are vulnerable, helpless, and you are at the mercy of another...maybe that is the reason some of us shut the rest of the world out. No control over what the other person may do or say. I did that and with the results I have seen have lead me to believe that maybe not everything should be put out in the open.

Riley

Just stuff

2007-08-29T00:15:00.000-07:00

There are some things you hear or go through that make you realize things you never thought about before. I am faced to come to terms that some things I may not be able to obtain. And I don't really know if it is from a lack of trying or because I chose the wrong path in doing so. I think I take to cautious of an approach to life at times and that usually leaves me the last person knowing certain bits of information. I am also scared of rejection, which considering the line of work I choose to do is very ironic. I don't know if I am the things I have learned lately will shape my views of certain things or people but I hope not.
We have a local improv group/studio in our area and I really think they hate stand up comedians. If they do I can only imagine that it is because they have been "trained" more or less and a stand up really isn't (unless you go to a class). Unlike many types of performing arts, improv and stand up are like cousins...cousins that have sexual intercourse with each other. Improv is like stand up just with rules put in. Maybe it is because they consider themselves more closely resembling theatre than stand up. Many people treat stand up as the kid with polo anyway so I can see why they would not want to be linked with stand up. Most of the people I talked to down at the improv place were really cool so the couple that were weird just maybe assholes in normal life and I don't know that.
I saw one of their shows and I was really entertained. I liked how within the structure of it all you could really see the talent of the individual. I am in no way bashing improv, I just hate assholes.
I am in a group with 3 other comedians and we call ourselves Sons of Walker. The other comedians are Lance Paullin, Dennis Swennumson and Adam Lee. I don't think I would have joined up if I didn't like any of them. The names if from Adam's dad Jay Wendell Walker. He has taught me a lot about comedy and I appreciate that. I really want this to work because I think it can, but only if we work at it. If we just sit around talking about what we can do and not actually do anything then we are wasting our times.
I have a couple of shows booked for later in the year. One is at Eastern Washington where I attend school and another is at Spokane Falls Community College. The show at Eastern is going to be a first for me because it will be at an Africana orientation. I like Africanas, I happen to be one, but what makes me nervous is will they look at my show as being a little to white. I know they say funny is funny, but that doesn't stop me from thinking about it.
Apple will be announcing a new ipod next week. I really want a new gadget and this may be my chance to get one...if I had the money.

The mash up

2007-08-21T16:28:00.000-07:00

I am usually one of those people that get themselves into a really stupid situation from time to time and this time is no different. I live with M. She is Mexican and has her family that are scattered about Washington state. This is not a problem. The problem begins with the demands she places on me. She is always telling me about what they do in their culture and everything and expects me to follow it to the tee. She wants me to make a big deal out of saying hello to them and stuff when they will walk in the house and not say anything to me and she thinks nothing of that. I am all for doing what makes people comfortable, but they do not do anything to make me feel comfortable. Not once has anyone said, "Hey, Harry. Do you mind if we stay a couple nights at the house?" I don't know how many times I have seen their kids with their feet all on my Xbox 360 and TV while no one says anything. I don't feel like I am in a position to mess with their kids, but they won't say anything until they see me blowing a gasket.

I am not trying to be a meanie or anything. I like her family, but the things she wants me to do seems more like she wants me to do it so she looks good in the eyes of her family and not because they make anyone feel better. And it's not like she doesn't know my personality by now. I think she ignores it and tries to get out of me the things I don't do well. For instance, I am a loner type person. I have always been like that. I just like to be by myself in thought just sitting there. If her family is around and I don't come out and "socialize" then she gets pissed. And its not like I am not going to eventually come out into the living room see a bunch of Mexican and not talk to them. I feel at times she is asking way more out of me then I can give sometimes.

Madden 08 came out and I don't know what to make of it just yet. There are some little annoying things in it that have been a staple of sports games for years. I still don't know why I can't create a player in the franchise mode. And speaking of franchise mode it seems like I will have to wait another year before they put all the features back into the next gen madden that have been in the PS2 version of madden for almost 3 or 4 years. I am not asking for much. I want to be able to create players in the franchise mode and be able to call the shots in Owner's mode just like I could for the PS2 version.

The past 3 weeks have been filled with driving long distances and sleeping in other people's beds. Yep, I was touring. I was in North Idaho then Oregon then back to Idaho and Montana. I sold a lot of DVDs and made a lot of people laugh and you can't really ask for more than that.

I have joined a group of comedians that will be trying to do shows this year at colleges and stuff. We haven't been a group for more than 2 weeks and already you have people doubting we can do anything. In comedy being pessimistic about this shit can really hamper your ability to see clearly. For instance, I was talking to another comic about the group and he had nothing but criticism about it. Do you know about this or that and all that shit. It was clear to me that he was not happy that he was left out so he wanted to punch and many holes in out game plan as possible. We looked at all of this shit before going on with it. If anything at least we got some cool ass pictures out of the deal. If you are going to hate do it like everyone else, behind our backs. I think it is a great plan and a great way to sell this to the colleges. It will be hard getting in there with the bigger schools, but I think if we work small and then work our way up then we can really make a case for going to the bigger schools.

I will be headlining again at the brickwall. This is my second time doing this and hopefully it goes as well this time as it did last time. I have a lot of stuff so it is always hard to know what jokes I will be doing up there. We will be putting on a Sons of Walker type show as well and it will be getting filmed so I think it will be in my best interest to light the stage on fire.

Women problems

2007-06-30T00:18:00.000-07:00

Why the hell do I keep getting myself in these situations. I spend half of my time trying to defend myself and the rest of that time wondering what the fuck happened. What ever happened to being able to say things to people without it getting misshapened into something you didn't mean. Why the hell do I get in relationships when I know I am probably not going to do anything productive in them. I have my own issues I can't fix mine and someone else's.

Hate being with people that doubt themselves. By that I mean they always need confirmation that they are good looking or that they are loved. It is called self-esteem and I don't fucking have any so how can I pep you up.

Probably need to move out, but I have no money at all. After child support and the rent here I have 38 bucks and then I have my phone and car insurance so this time of the year is the worst time to get kicked out of a place. My dream of being a comic is going to have to take a time out until I can get some friction in my life.

I love comedy because I can be me and people seem to enjoy it. You can not feed yourself so the time I put in it is not paying off and that is mainly because I am not branching out as I should. Spokane is not the place to try to get big if you want to. I would love to get an agent but I can't get one until I have something for an agent to steal.

The fear of comedy

2007-05-23T15:02:00.001-07:00

I am always afraid to go up on stage. I get a funny feeling in my stomach like I have to go to the restroom. I always have the same thoughts running through my head, "Why are you doing this? This isn't even your personality!" Granted I am a subdued guy when I am off stage, but for some reason something happens when I touch the mic. I get cocky and boastful. I prance about like a show horse. I will talk to any women within the first four rows. Then I am done and I go to my seat exhausted like I went three rounds with Tyson (the bad ass Tyson not the crazy ass Tyson). Sometimes I think my life would be much better I think if I could take those traits and apply them in my life. But then I think about it and the way that I am now has shaped me into what I do on stage. Sometimes I even wonder where the hell most of this stuff comes from. Maybe it isn't comedy I am afraid of, but me.

Choices

2007-05-20T01:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes in life one has to make a decision that will forever change their lives. I have been at this crossroads many times and I have made what I thought to be the right choice at that moment. I am still alive, so that means I have not made a really bad one yet. I have to decided if I want to stay in school and get this degree (in whatever I decide) or venture out and try my hand at the big stuff. I am scared that if I fail I will be just that normal guy, and I am sick of being that guy. I have been looked over and passed up so much I don't care to think of it anymore. I am also scared of the other side of the coin. What if I am a success and it still doesn't bring any happiness to me? What would I do then?

I am having a hard time trying to figure out what I want to write my argumentative essay about. I have until Monday to figure the damn thing out and I am lost. I am thinking about methadone, but I am not sure.

I am one of those people that will always be awkward around people. I never get what I really want to say right then and there out. I think the shell that I have created for myself over all these years is now my biggest handicap. I think I am a really good comic. I think I can entertain people on the stage as well as with my stories. I just have to grab this thing and go with it. I want my daughter to have the things I could only dream of when I was her age. I want to make my family proud of me.

My interactions with people play over and over in my head. If I make a mistake around people then I will think about it and it will get me down. I am really fucked up in the head that way.

I was looking at this guy tonight and he was an example of everything I was not. He was out going the girls loved him and he seemed like he had everything in order. For all I know he could be a fuck up, but what I saw made me really want to be like him. I have never been known as the cute guy or anything like that. I am that guy women will fuck when they really need to get laid and don't want their friends to find out. My confidence has been high lately and that is always a good thing.

I love English class. I am always looking forward to that class for some reason. Is it because I have a crush on the instructor? Or is it because she actually teaches me and reminds me of everything I love about teachers? I hope it is the second one because it would be awkward otherwise.

I like it when people say that they enjoy my comedy. I just want to make people laugh and on occasion think about stuff. I also want to get laid, but I will take what I can get.

-Riley

a hole in my ass

2007-04-26T18:49:00.000-07:00

Saturday night while out and about I get a pain right at the crack of my ass, like right there at the beginning. It got worse Sunday and even more worse on Monday. Tuesday after a grueling day of classes I went to the clinic and they told me I had a cyst and it needed to be opened and drained. Who would have thought that by the end of the day I would have an extra hole in my body? About an hour later I was in just as much pain as when I walked in, but now I had pain medicine and a hole in the crack of my ass.

Now a couple of days later, and I am still in pain. I have to go in every day and get the dressing changed. I walk in with a slight limp and leave like they gangbanged me. I have to take these viccodine which work like taking shit tablets. They make me feel weird, but they do nothing for the hole in my ass. I will have to go back some more, but I dread it more as time goes on. The pain is bad and they don't even give you free candy. In all I am getting a bum deal.

sell out...really

2007-04-22T17:30:00.000-07:00

I hate when I hear someone call someone else a sell out. It is a big thing in the black community to see another person that is doing well for themselves, but what they feel as acting "white". I never knew trying to get out of the ghetto and own your own home was acting "white". When did white people put a patent on wanting to live good. It is a big thing to call actors and singers sell outs, but I am starting to see it more and more in the comedy business. I think every ethnic comic thinks twice before stepping on stage to think about the material he is about to do. I have never really had anyone call me a sell out, but some of the most famous people to be call that are Bill Cosby, Wayne Brady and even Will Smith. It seems as though we hate to see a black person be accepted by not only blacks, but whites as well. For some reason you don't really hear to many people saying Oprah is a sell out. I guess it depends on the amount of money you make and how many free cars you give out.

I want a video ipod!

2007-04-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

I have had my ipod for over 6 months now and I am already looking for the next this from Apple Inc. I really like the ipod. The only problems I can come up with on the top of my head is the cost of accessories, the scratch prone exterior of the thing and the fact that it does not have a built in mic. I have all the accessories I need (except maybe a good set of headphones), I have a case for the ipod and I have an attachment that allows me to record audio. The one major weakness of the 5th Gen ipod is the fact that you watch video on that small ass screen. I like to watch video on my ipod, there are many vidcast (video podcast) that I subscribe to and I would love to see them on a bigger screen. Sure I play them on my tv with some cables I bought from Radio Shack, but I would like to be on the bus and watching a great episode of dl.tv without trying to figure out who is Pat and who is Roger.

The iphone is suppose to be coming out in the next couple of months and with that the ability to watch video in a widescreen format. The biggest problem with this is that the iphone is only going to have about 8 gigs of memory. With such a small amount of memory (the 5th Gen ipod I have is 30 gigs), it will be hard to get more than just a couple of shows and random videos on there before you run out of space. Granted I only have about 3 gigs total on my ipod, but that is because without the screen real estate, I am reluctant to go through the work of getting video on the thing unless I know I am going to watch the damn thing. If given a widescreen video ipod I would go through all that just for those times when I am stuck on a bus or at the mechanic's.

Stuck

2007-04-11T12:41:00.000-07:00

What happens when you give up on yourself? You become me. A shell of what I use to be a a ghost of what I wanted to be. I have never thought of myself as doing great things, just someone trying to get what I believe to be the reasons for us being on this planet. I make attempts to obtain these things and it seems my attempts are for nothing. I try not to blame others because I hate when others do the same. So it is all my fault, and there is nothing I can do.

Received a letter from the prosecutor who will be putting me before a judge for contempt of court for failure to pay child support. If you are a regular reader you know that I have made many attempts to correct this, but all those attempts fell on deaf ears. I must now face a judge and let him decide if I am worthy enough to keep my freedom. I feel as though I did nothing wrong in trying to better myself in order to help my child, but the judge and many don't see that. They will see a guy trying to skip on his obligation. I wish they were right that way I would not feel the way I do about not being there for my kid.

I will have to make a decision by June 4th on what I will do.

Selling Gangsta

2007-04-09T09:42:00.000-07:00

I listen to a lot of rap/hip-hop and the ongoing trend to to tell everyone how gangsta (or gangster for the non dark people) you are. My ipod is littered with people screaming at a mic about how many bullets they can put in someone. The weirdest thing about all of this is that it sells, and by the bucket load! Although alum sales as a whole have been on the decline, hip-hop music has grown by leaps and bounds. There are just a couple of things wrong with this trend and I will try my best to explain.

I know that a lot of these musicians (depending on who you talk to) came from some pretty violent places in the country. So they rap about what they have seen. But do you mean to tell me that every single person that raps has sold drugs? This seems pretty weird. I grew up in the ghetto and I never sold drugs or rob anyone. Do black people really want to hear most of this? I don't think so. Are you that twisted that you have to live in that environment and then listen to it for pleasure. Most of these albums are bought by white kids in the suburbs so do you really have to show a white kid how hard you are when the only black people they have seen are on BET.

Last year there was a "campaign" called "stop snitching" and all the "hard" rappers were taking part in. The thing about that is if you listen to their songs they would give you a detail account of the stuff they have done themselves. So are these people lying or are they just stupid. I have always hated when someone would say that an artist is not hard because he isn't rapping about killing people. It seems like that is what the majority of rap is about these days.

I like rap and I will listen to a song with accounts of murder and mayhem, but I refuse to accept the fact that these people are still doing this shit. If you sold 3 million copies of an album and are still living in the ghetto you are not gangsta you are stupid. I have never met anyone that said, "Man I love the excitement of waking up in the morning and running from some guy that wants to rob my ass." This is music as an art form and as such you have the ability to take artistic license....lying if you need to specific. Look at Johnny Cash. Awesome artist, but he never went to jail for murder.

Gangsta sells because it is the archetype of what white America is use to. I predict in the next couple of years that this trend will fade because people will not want to hear it. You heard it here first.

Just my luck

2007-04-02T17:21:00.000-07:00

I bought a car, but it wasn't the one I had my eye on. Looking back at the decision I do not know what I would have been able to do, but I would not have bought the car I have for sure. It is a 1996 Maxima. It looks good. I had my eye on a 1998 Pontiac Grand Prix GTP. The Maxima has 152,000 miles and the Pontiac had 92,000. You would think the no brainer would be to get the Pontiac. I had to ponder this because the Grand Prix had prior damage to it. Well, I just went with the Maxima because I was afraid of the pending cost to repair things that was not repaired/replaced in the Grand Prix. Now, I have a $700 dollar repair bill to fix the Mass Air Flow Sensor. The part alone is about 500 bucks. This has me down big time. I made the dumbest of dumb choices and it is going to eat me up forever. I could have had a 240 hp car with under 100,000 miles on it. It was like God himself sent me this gift and I ignored it because I thought there was a lot of stuff wrong with it. Maybe I am wrong, What if 2,000 dollars of damage happened to the Grand Prix. I would be sitting here typing about how I missed a chance at a 190 hp little rocket (with a nice backseat). No matter what I am a damn idiot.

Went to take the car to the shop and that is where they told me I could pay 1,056 bucks to get everything done on it or pay 756 to get the part and have it put on. M called me and I told her and she says, "Well, I don't want to say I told you so." Whenever people say that to me I want to pimp slap them on the chin. When you say,"Well, I don't want to say I told you so." What you are really saying is, "I told you so." See this is because I got pissed because her and her brother-in-law kept nitpicking over shit that was wrong with the cars I was looking at. Her brother-in-law would tell me what was potentially wrong with the car. She would tell me how the car smelled and how the seats look. You see the level of importance of the two? So she thinks I didn't ask Mario to go with me because he would have just turned down the car. In fact, that is far from the truth. I didn't ask him to come because 1) he works all day why would he want to mess with cars with me. 2) he has a family that wants him there more than I want him to check out car with me.

I beat myself up a lot about my life and how I fail at it, but I have no other choice. Life is defined by the decisions you make, and I have done nothing but make stupid ones. I don't see my kid. I have stopped trying to pay my bills. I don't really care about eating. I just want to be done with everything. Like I said I get down on myself a lot. I never really wanted more than everyone else I just wanted the piece that I worked for. I work for it, but it never seems to come. I think I should just call it quits. Knowing me I would probably fuck that up to. Just my luck.

What a weekend!

2007-03-19T11:11:00.000-07:00

This is the type of weekend a lot of comics dread. It was that weekend where there was to many things going on at once. I forgot all about the freaking St. Patrick's day stuff or I would have waited until this week. But altogether it was a pretty decent showing for myself. I am critical of myself especially after having an awkward show and that is what happened Friday night. Then, we did 3 shows Saturday and it seemed like the abuse would never end. All of that was worth it though for th final show of the night. I did my thing but a little bit looser. I strayed away from the material and did what came to my mind and it worked! I loved it they loved it and that is all that counts. I think this styles suits me better than just doing my jokes. What I will do from now on is think about the things I was to do and if it fails I will go to written material.

Got rid of MLB 2k7 for the Xbox 360. The game has great graphics and all but it was not what I would call realistic. You could basically hit home runs with any playing and that is just not what baseball is about. I liked the pitching, but there were just to many things wrong to get engulfed into it like I usually do with my sports games.

I am thinking about getting a used PS2 so I can play God of War 2 and MLB 07:The Show, but I don't know if I want to spend the nearly 200 dollars for a couple of months of great game play experience...to tell you the truth I just don't want to hear the yelping from the misses.

I like Ghost Recon Advance Warfighter 2. It is a very good looking game, but not in the same way as Gears of War is. Gears of War is probably the best looking game out for any system right now. About the only thing I know that will look better than that is probably Crysis for the PC and of course Halo3 when that comes out.

This is basically my last day of school for the quarter and I have a week to do nothing, but think about the next quarter. I will be taking Algebra and English this year with some Computer literacy thrown in for good measure. I have pasted all of my classes with flying colors this quarter so I will not have to be on probation for the fuck up that was Algebra last fall.

Just trying to get even

2007-03-12T11:27:00.000-07:00

I have only been doing comedy for a couple of years, and already I have been startled by the things I have learned. This is the real world and I have lived it for the past 26 years so I should know that no matter what, there are some things you must do to make it to where you want to be. One of those things, especially with comedy, is that you have to come to terms with the fact that you may not be selling out shows at Madison Square Garden. Like everything else in this world there are only a few people who are privileged enough to make it in the top 10 of certain things. I would love to be that guy selling out shows in big places and having a schedule booked solid for months on end, but when you come to terms with the fact that it may not happen it sobers you a little. I feel like I have what it takes to do what the big guys do, not right this second of course, but in the future.

Just because I said I have come to terms with the fact that I may not be big does not mean I am gonna stop trying! I will give it my all every chance I get to prove to the skeptics out there that I can do it and do it better than most. In this business you have to, at least deep down, feel in your heart that you are good enough to hang with the big boys.

I will be filming my sets this Friday and Saturday so I can get ready to make another DVD, one even better than the first. The first DVD was a dry run basically, this time I have a professional type camera set up and I have the tools around me to edit it and get it just right. It will be entitled Harry J. Riley: Then and Now and it will have higher production values then I even dreamed for the first one. I have my Macbook here and I will edit it with the software I have here. If I need to I will edit it more with the tools at the university. I will package this DVD in a DVD case instead of the lower looking CD cases. I will have to invest, I think, about 2-3 hundred to make the DVDs look the way I want them to. But I will be selling them for 15 bucks a piece so if it is good enough I will sell a lot of them (hopefully).

Still looking for a new car before the middle of Spring, mainly because I have been wanting to get some road work and can't with the piece of crap I got now.

I am scared that Child Support will take the money I saved in my account for my car.

I can not wait until the end of my case so I can get to paying child support and seeing my kid again. The funny thing about this is they are all on me about child support, but not one soul is making her let me see my kid. I can call and text all I want, but at the end of the day, she can say what she wants. That is scary to me. That a person can get you locked up if they say the right thing. I can pressure her to see my kid all day long and all she has to do is say, "I don't let him see her because he felt her up." and I am gone. I have seen this happen and I know the type of person I am dealing with. Adriane is as cold a person as I have ever seen in my life. She can manipulate people to get them to do what she wants them to. The thing is that I have to act now because if I don't I will lose my kid forever.

I do comedy because I like it, but another reason I do it is so I can get back at all the people that have wronged me in my life. Yes, I have let people wrong me, but what I can do to them on stage can be hurtful tenfold. I can go to Montana and Idaho and Oregon and Nevada and just tear them to pieces every night. And if successful driving a really fancy car by their house will help them remember that they fucked with the wrong Negro.

More adventures in car buying

2007-02-28T12:29:00.000-08:00

So I actually went out to the places where I could actually, like really, buy a car from them. I was surprised at what I saw. A lot of the cars had a lot of miles and something amiss in the actual people compartment. Either the radio or something of that nature would just be missing. Not that I would use a stock radio in the first place. I have something called an Ipod so I really don't have to worry about "regular" radio. There were a couple of cars in my price range that I liked, but in the back of my mind I kept thinking that I can wait a month and get an even better car.

So, the issue with M and I is over...for now. She told me I jump to conclusions because I am not one who likes to communicate. I told her, that if she was really communicating then this issue would never really be well...an issue.

I asked her brother-in-law to look over a couple of cars I wanted to buy. M told me later that he told her that the one car I was focused on (2001 Aurora) was a bad buy because the car would have problems when it got to 200,000 miles. The funny thing about this is that I bought a car from him with over a quarter of a million miles on it and it messed up on me not even one hour after sold it to me. Matter of fact, I haven't had the car working for more than 3 or 4 months. So, as you can see, I don't know if his advice is worth it or not. I would much rather have him look the car over for problems at present (wore hoses and belts and things like that). All I know is that having a car that can't get you from point A to B is a pain in the ass.

I have done 2 weeks of "stuff" at the New and Improved Brickwall Comedy Club and haven't gotten a dime. I usually do these things as a faith thing that in the neat future he hires me as a feature act. Last time this happened I waited a couple f months afterward to get put on. A friend from the club and a fellow comedian was telling me not to overexpose myself and I think he is right if you do not have a lot of material. There is a good 20-30 minutes of stuff I got that I don't do because it is mostly stuff about my life. I think I want t go up as much as possible for two reasons. I like making people laugh and I like the attention. My personality doesn't go that way, but when you are presented with a chance to be the center of attention then you will do it.

If I don't write a new blog for awhile blame it on Major League Baseball 2k7.

Nice Guys

2007-02-23T11:15:00.000-08:00

The heart is the most fragile thing in the world. It is so fragile it will break without physical touching. That sounded good didn't it? Well, I am not about to talk about that, I am about to talk about the nice guy and why this world is not made for use (yeah I said us)

If you could look into the past you would see hundreds of nice guys basically getting wiped off the face of the planet. The Native American for example, helped the pilgrims survive a harsh winter. How did they repay them dry ass turkey and small pox (yes, I know the pilgrims didn't give them the blankets with the small pox on it this is an editorial not a damn history report). The Aztecs treated the Spanish to tobacco and hot ass Latina women and what did they get? All of their gold taken away and Catholicisms. So with that in mind, it is hard to look at the nice guys as a treasure to the human race.

I modern times the land has been taken and the small pox has been eradicated, but the nice guy still lives on. He is that guy that opens the door for women. He is the guy that will give an old lady his seat on the bus. He is that guy that will buy a lady a drink and not even bother her the rest of the night. Nice guys are what fairy tales and comic books are made out of real life is strangely different.

When asked, women will say that they want a guy that is caring and kind. A guy that will listen and buy her flowers for no reason. And what happens when they find a guy like that. They step all over him. Because women don't want nice guys they want the idea of a nice guy. Women want that guy that will not pay attention to them and will sleep with their sister the first chance they get. See, women are like scientist, and guys are the guinea pigs. They want someone they can mold into this image of what they see in movies and read in those romance novels. When she meets a nice guy, she can't change him so she looks at it as a none challenge and proceeds to fuck him up for the next woman to try and clean up.

When it comes to life outside of romance the nice guy gets the short end of the stick. People will take advantage of you every change they get if they see that they can and a nice guy will rationalize ways of making it sound better in his head. I have done many a show and not get paid for it until much later if at all. Is it their fault? No. It is my fault for thinking that everyone thinks like me.

The sad thing about it is that nice guys are a dying breed. If we don't have any nice people in the world there will be nothing left but assholes and the world is up to it's poles in that. What I want every nice guy to do is to reach down deep inside themselves and grab a hold of their balls and fight back once in a while. When people realize you are not to be fucked over they will show you some respect. The next time you go out with a girl and she orders the expensive shit just tap the guy on the shoulder at the next table and say really loud "She ordered the shrimp! Guess I'm getting some head tonight!" Or if someone cuts you in a line somewhere just put their ass in a sleeper hold they will never do it again.

Riley

Joke robbers

2007-02-16T10:56:00.000-08:00

I have been seeing this a lot on websites and stuff and I wanted to say my piece. People have been circulating video of a confrontation between Joe Rogan and Carlos Mencia which shows both of them, at the comedy store, battling it out on stage over the accusations that Carlos steals jokes from other comedians. This is a persistent rumor that has been going around since Carlos got big. Another person is Dane Cook stealing from Louis CK (allegedly).

Here is the gist of these situations. Unlike acting and singing, all a comedian has is his material, that is what separates him from other comedians. At the end of the day it comes down to something you worked and busted your ass on so you want to make the money for that joke. The problem lies in the ability to tell if a joke was really stolen or not. At time you and another person on the other side of the country can come up with similar sounding jokes. The person who gets the credit for it is usually the bigger comic. The big problem is that comics are out here all the time just trying to get by and get the next gig and if your joke sounds like a similiar one from a bigger comic then you may not get booked.

With that being said, we can not confuse stealing with inspiring. For instance, I see nothing wrong with a person coming up with their own joke because of something I have said. I have seen this done before and it does not bother me one bit. I think that a lot of comics out there may see a bit or something and then go write a joke and it is similiar but not the same damn joke and that is where things get murky. Is this good? Is this something you want to encourage? The basic truth of the matter is mostly all topics have been done before. The key is putting you extra spin on it to make it your own. How many people have sung the national anthem?

I think the thing that bothers people the most is that people are making tons of money off of something they think they did first. If it is word for word or just to much the same then yes that may be true. With the Carlos Mencia Joe Rogan thing, they showed a clip of a particular comic's bit that involves putting a fence around the border of Mexico. And then Carlos' bit and they did kinda sound alike but when you do material from current events you have to expect that to happen. Dane Cook did two jokes, one on having a kid with a weird sounding name and then watching someone get hit by a car and I have to be honest with you from the sound of it, it seemed as though that is not a joke you can write and then have someone else write something really similar to that. I am not saying it can't happen, but that does not really sound possible.

You can't really prove someone stole your joke unless they took it word for word and if that is the case then they are really stupid. I fear that with the age of the internet, people are going to start throwing accusations at the comics on top so they can try and grab what they have. If you go back 30 years or so people were doing the exact same thing as now, but since they didn't have the internet then they never really knew that someone that saw their show in New York was doing their material in L.A. I make an effort to write way to much material because then if someone says you are biting off of something of their's then you can not do that joke keep doing your other stuff and show them that it is going to take more than one joke to make or break a career...unless you are Micheal Richards.

What to do with life

2007-02-12T11:52:00.000-08:00

I am at a point in my life where you look and survey the life you have lead up until this point and I feel as though it has all been one big disappointment. I have had my ups, but I feel as though a lot of it has been downs. I have tens of thousands in debt and a daughter that I haven't seen in ages. I just walk around with my head down wondering what is to become of me.

I don't want to get free handouts or anything like that. I just feel like I am not normal. No one is really normal, but at lest they are all in a group of what is considered "normal". I am just the weird black guy that always has a frown on his face. No one will approach you with that type of look on your face. I have tried to smile and stuff like that, but then my cheeks hurt and then I am even more pissed.

Am I really that fucked up from the things that has happened to me in my life? I have tried so many things for my entire life to try and remedy this "ailment" I have. Video games, cars, religion, all of it I have tried and all of it has failed. I have tried numerous medications but that made me more numb then anything else.

I think my life would be totally different if I had something in it that was secure and fulfilling. I have tried helping others, but those bastards are ungrateful so I said fuck em. About the only ting I can think of that makes me feel really good is comedy. I love the look on people's face when I say something funny. I feel as though it is my duty to make sure people are having fun and laughing, but after I leave the stage I am back in my own little sad life.

You would think I would look into my relationship for that feel good feeling, but it is not there. I don't think she can grasp it even if I sat down and told her everything that is going on in my mind at a given time. I can tell her about depression and about how I feel and why I do the things I do, but then she will say something so vague and so bland that it is like talking to someone who had no idea what your problems are. She is kind and honest, but when I used to tell her certain things I would get a bland expression and then a milk cartoon response and it would set my brain on fire.

I don't want to be hard on her. Some people just don't know about certain things and trust me, I do not make things easy for anyone when they are trying to get shit out of me. The only people I really volunteer my voice to is Faith, but she is only a little kid. I am literally at ropes end. But I have been this way back and forth for the past couple of years and whenever it would get to bad something would happen (usually good) that would distract me from the pathetic life I have lead up until now. Year before last it was getting into comedy. Last year it was actually traveling and doing shows. I don't know what I am going to do this year to get myself out of this shittiness that I am in. I have some money saved up for a car but I may just put it toward getting my bankruptcy stuff. Whatever it is I have to do something with this life of mine.

New cars and child support

2007-02-05T10:38:00.000-08:00

I suppose I should not have put new car in the title as much as put REALLY WANT A CAR THAT WILL ACTUALLY RUN! In the title bar instead. I am one of those people that needs to update things and get things and get the next "best" thing, but cars are the only area where you can not really do that. When you get a car and have to actually pay for it, you learn quickly that the wrong car will make you regret it every single day. I always study the cars I am about to get. There is only a couple of things I want in a car I am about to get nowadays and that is roominess and speed. I can accept if a car is a gas guzzler if I can do the 1/4 mile in the mid 15's. I hate an unreliable car! The car I have now, a 1984 Honda Accord, is one such car. Mind you, when I bought this ungodly hump of junk I was in a bit of a pickle. I had no money, and I had just took my 2004 Pt cruiser back to the bank (what a sad day). I should have given the piece of shit right back when in the first hours of owning the thing it cuts off on me and I have to walk more than 5 miles to get home. I kept the damn thing, and it took me to Nevada and Montana, but there was never more than 3 months where the car would not cut off on me leaving me stranded somewhere. Thing morning I go outside and warm it up. It runs for about 10 minutes when I get in it to leave. While putting my backpack in the back I could hear the sound no car owner wants to hear. The sound of your car clinging to it's last breath. I try starting it up about 3 or 4 more times and called it a day and went to the bus stop. So, I have decided to go out and start looking and saving for another car. I will probably not have the time, or the will power to save up for the entire thing, but there are some places that will still let me buy a car, even with my abysmal credit.

I will be going to the lawyer's office today to get the finals written up for my attempt to get my child support reduced. I should have gotten off of my ass a while ago but I am what you would call a dumbass. He says I have a good chance of getting it reduced. Anything is better than paying almost 900 dollars a month for one kid. I could understand if I was making bank, but I am barely getting by as is. I have spent so much time thinking and getting pissed about this it is time I took some action.

I go about being the nice guy, and that is how I got into this situation I am in right now. If I was more pro active I would not have 5,000 dollars of back support looming over my head. I blame myself for more than half of this crap, but I blame 2 other people. The child support services department in Washington and my ex-wife. My ex-wife knew I was hard up a year ago but she kept on digging into me like I had a secret stash somewhere. The worst thing I have ever done in my life was put my penis in her. Child support services is only there for one person, the mother. They can say they are there to make sure the kid is getting taken care of but they are not. Because if they were they would be making sure people are actually spending all that money on making life better for their kids and not making sure they drive a nice car. I have not problem paying child support. I have a problem with the department of child services not really trying to make this easier for all parties involve. They knew I was messed up but they continued to keep piling on the money as if when I get a new job they will give me a child support back pay bonus or something.

I am not a bad dad. I just want it to be fair all the way down the middle. If she is making 3 times more than me it is obvious she does not need as much support as she did when I was making 3 times as much as she was.

I am a champion....runner up

2007-01-30T10:18:00.000-08:00

So I took home 2nd place at the Brick wall Comedy Club's search for the 2nd funniest person. I was the runner up to a comic that has been doing it for over 20 years so I am very happy with the results. I do wish I told some of my other jokes, but I was comfortable with what I did the first night so I decided to do the same thing. I really have a lot to look forward to in the next couple of months. I will be the bouncer for the new Brick wall Comedy Club and hopefully I will be doing a lot of shows. I really want to to get started on new footage and make a better DVD for sale. I really want to do a show in front of that new crowd in the new club because I think that with a bigger show floor and a slightly younger crowd will really love my stuff.

The Final Showdown

2007-01-28T16:05:00.000-08:00

I have made it to the finals of the search for Spokane's second funniest person. I was nervous Thursday night, but I am even more so now. I saw a lot of acts come out and I saw some people rise to the occasion and I saw a lot of people fall flat on their face. I am nervous not because of the events that are about to happen tonight, but I am more nervous of the past coming back up to bite me in the ass. I have only won something once before and that was guessing the amount of peppermints in a jar when I was in grade school. Even though I am nervous, I am going to go up there and give the show of my life. I will do what I have to do in order to win this thing. If I don't, that doesn't mean I am not funny, it just means it wasn't my day.

iphones and comedy competitions

2007-01-15T22:05:00.000-08:00

If you haven't been watching the goings on of the web or watch the news or basically anything that involves you eyes or ears you may not have heard of the coming of the revolution....according to Apple. Or Apple Inc. as they have now changed their names to reflect their move into more than just computers. And with that name change comes a new device that is suppose to take over the world that device is call iphone:

Now if you don't know what this bad boy is suppose to do then let me help you get your knowledge on. It will be a phone/wide screen video ipod/Internet device all wrapped up in Apple's version of cool. I will admit this is a sexy ass little gadget! The tech world and the business world have all been abuzz about this device and for one main reason: It does things in a cool way. If you are looking at a photo on the thing turn it on it's side and the motion sensors in the thing will orient the picture the right way. Want to zoom in on that picture, then just use you fingers to spread the picture out. It has one button on the face of the device to scream at you, Hey, I'm so cool I only need one button. It will have a QWERTY keyboard but it is software based instead of a hard physical keypad like on my beloved Treo 650. The first thing you say when you see this device in action (after saying sweet) is, How much does it cost and when can I get my hands on it? And there lies some of it's biggest problems. It will be arriving around the month of June and will retail for 500 bucks with a 2-year agreement with Cingular. Yep, it will only be on Cingular (at least for now) and will retail for half a grand. Usually when you buy a phone with a new company they will slice the cost of the phone off the price and make their money back through screwing you with the monthly payments. It looks like they want to screw you before you ever even talk a minute on the damn thing. But it is a cool device and people will come in droves to get one so why not.

The Brickwall Comedy Club, the same ones responsible for the Spokane Amauteur Comedy Competition are having a competition called 2ND funniest person in Spokane. It will take place during the last week in January and is open to all people (you have to audition though). The reason why it is named that is because the winner of the San Fransisco Comedy Competition lives in Spokane (Jay Wendle Walker) and it is only fitting to call him the funniest man in the country. If you do not know me or if you have never read this blog before I was in the Spokane Comedy Competition a couple of years ago and lost in the semi final round. I have, ever since that day, tried to figure out what exactly caused me to lose that thing. Was it the material? Was it the fact that I was scared out of my mind? I don't know. But all I do know is that I felt, deep in my heart, I could have won the thing. The 1st and 2ND place takers were a duo comedy team and an Asian. I felt both of their material was marginal and not original but they won (that is what happens when you let drunks do the voting). I was devastated to say the least! All I could do was walk to my car in utter silence and go over my material again and again in my head. The thing that I came up with was that the reason I felt I did not make it to the finals was because I tried to be everything to everybody. during that whole 10 minutes I didn't do one thing that I felt suited me. I like technology monkeys and Asian porn but I did nothing on those topics.

So that leads me to this upcoming competition and I am older and wiser in this thing called comedy, but the past still lingers and taps me on my shoulder just to let me know of what I did last time and I wonder why I even put myself through this. Every time I think about this damn thing I get all nervous and I start to sweat. I have been making people laugh with great effect for the past two years, but you never know about these competitions. You could get all nervous and forget a joke or you could just be in a show and have to perform 1st (when you perform first people tend to forget about you) or be at a show and it is filled to the brim with another comics' friends and family. When I was auditioning last night all I could think of was just doing my best and it will work out in the end. Because when you are a comic the main thing you have to be sure of before you get on stage is that your jokes are funny and you know how to tell them to make them funny. If you don't know if it is a funny joke you may not say it with the confidence needed to get people to laugh. I just have to remember some things that I have been using the past couple of years to make people laugh and show my confidence on stage. First, I need to show the crowd that I own the stage. If they know that you are not messing around here they will focus on you and your jokes and that will make the jokes work better. Second, I need to use my best jokes from the get go. Last time I tried to use my middle jokes to get to the finals, that doesn't work. It is a competition so I have to make sure I use my best 15 minutes and then if I make it to the finals use my finisher to polish off my act. And last I need to just remember to have fun and not worry about the money. Last time I had my mind on the money the whole time and that made me even more nervous then I needed to be. When you are having fun the crowd has fun and they will then laugh harder because you always laugh really hard at your friend then when a total stranger tells you a joke. But if I am on stage and I get them thinking of me not as a comic but as their friend telling jokes in the living room then I think I have just as good a chance as anyone else in bringing home the cash.

New Years Resolutions

2007-01-10T10:37:00.000-08:00

Yeah yeah I know that it is well into the new year and I have just started stated my new year resolutions but hey prograstination is something I will work on this year as well. Most people have the same old resolutions, losing weight or giving to charity or stop hitting their girlfriends. Me, I have very simple goals that I want to obtain in order to rub my fortunes in other's faces. Yes, I am shallow and I have a revengeful streak.....let move on.

Winning the lotto: This is less of a resolution and more of a life's goal. I have always wanted to win several millions dollars, where then the government takes more than half and then have my ex-wife drag me through court to take the rest. Hey, but atleast I will be able to drive up to the court house in the shiniest car millions of dollars can get me.

Obtain a monkey: I would say buy a monkey but I am being realistic. There is really no way for me to BUY a monkey, what with all the paperwork and customs crap you have to put up with. And the lawsuits..... I just want a monkey so it can come on stage with me when I perform and when some drunk ass clown starts jibba jabbing and I will just scream "Get him Jimbo!" and the monkey will let out a hellish scream and pounce on this person with a flurry of attacks scractches and groin grabs never before seen!

Do more shows: I have (like many other upstart comics) would like to do more work. There is nothing more frustratiing to a comic just getting in teh business then a headliner or a booker or club owner that will not give you a shot to show yourself. This business (like most of show business) has become more about getting more money out of the talent then trying to bring about new talent itself. That is why I enjoy Unlce D's Comedy Underground so much because he gave me a shot when other people were just sitting on their hands. He let me do the coporate stuff and I appreciate that. The summer time is a bad time to be a comic because most of the shows that I do (one nighters) are often not up in the summer because people want to go outside and not sit in a dank room and listen to a stranger curse.

Treo 700p (or other cool smartphone): I love my Treo 650. It does a lot of stuff for me that a normal phone just could not do. But I am sick and tired of the slow internet speeds. That is why I want a Treo 700p. Not only does it have EV-DO support (that is Verizon's high speed over the air network) but it also has a 1.3 megapixel camera so I will be able to do all those cool things like take pictures for the blog (something I have been wanting to do for awhile).

Revise the blog: I have been doing this blog for over 2 years so I think it needs a little pick me up. I will start by doing a weekly video post (probably friday detailing all the big news events of the past week. I will also start putting more pictures into the blog to give readers a closer glimpse of the crap I call my life.

And those are my resolutions. I think I am forgetting one but who the hell cares......Oh! Loosing weight....Loosing weight is for sissies!

A new quarter

2007-01-08T19:51:00.000-08:00

Just started my first day of classes and I am pretty sure I can get pretty good grades out of the classes I am taking so far. I really want to do well because I am on academic probation for failing my Algebra class. I felt like such a big ass idiot for failing that class but it was more of a daily powerpoint presentation instead of a math class. I did not take a math class this quater because I wanted to get back on the right track and then next quarter I will get back to taking those classes.

I am so excited for CES. For those of you that don't know CES stands for the Consumer Electronic Show which is held every year showcasing basically all the stuff we will be drooling over when this upcoming holiday season. This show has everything all tech fans have been waiting to see. Also during the same time (matter of fact tomorrow) Apple will be doing their yearly thing showcasing what they will have coming out at the beginning of the year. The cool thing about Apple is when they announce something it will be in stores very soon in like days rather than weeks.

The coolest things coming out so far have to do with enjoying media from anywhere and getting it from one device to another. This is really exciting because it give you lots of choices to how you want to enjoy your content. I will make sure to keep you updated!

Christmas gift malfuction

2006-12-27T22:25:00.000-08:00

My Nintendo DS's right shoulder button is not working right and it is giving me a damn headache. I went back to the store to get an exchange and found out that over the last 4 weeks Nintendo sold 1.3 MILLION of these sons of bitches so I will have to wait about 2 to 4 weeks to get it from them or I can (what I did) go to Nintendo.com and they will have me mail the thing to them to get fixed. This sucks because I already had to wait a month and a half for the damn thing now I have to wait longer so it can be repaired. Nintendo usually has a good track record with their systems so this is really weird. I am going to see if I can fix it, but I will not open the damn thing.

HUH?

2006-12-27T17:14:00.000-08:00

I hope everyone of you had a glorious Christmas where you got all the crap you wanted and ate till you stomach cried NO MAS! My Christmas was really good...it was the day after that sucked donkey balls. I checked my car after looking to see if it could make the trip back to Spokane from Omak. I filled it with fresh oil and away we wet! Nothing was wrong until we got to a part of our travels where being stuck there would totally suck and then the car just started pettering out on us. It would have power up until we got to a hill or something and then when I would go to downshift to get more power for the hill it would go slower and slower until it just died. After about 3 minutes of sitting there in the cold (almost totally in the middle of the lane) it started up and I was able to make it to a gas station so I could try and find out what was wrong. There was a colored fluid in the radiator and I made sure there was enough oil so I could not find anything at that moment to tell me that something was wrong. This would happen about 4 or 5 more times on our way back home. I was so pissed I could not think without the term MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT CAR!!!! creeping into my cranium. We made it home an hour later than expected and what happens? M gives me shit about getting stuff out of the car! I had alread gotten way more than enough of her shit during our time at her sister's house and now she is doing it here. So I just left and went and did what I do best.....window shop!

See M is one of those creatures that I have been studing but have not come to a reasonable conclusion about why she is the way she is. She is a caring and adorable person and I love her dearly (I would not be here otherwise). It is just little thinks that she does that pisses me off so bad I can not think about them without cursing. When we walked into her sister's house I saw two chairs that use to belong to me that was now sitting over 100 miles away. I thought to myself Maybe they bought these chairs. Then when we are chilling just talking and stuff her sister jokes, "Those are not your chairs!" I looked for the tell tale cat claw marks on the leather and sure enough they were there! But what could I do? I was in a house filled to the brim with Mexicans one wrong move and I was done son! So I just joked about it and walked away.

On Christmas day I talked to M about what time we should leave, it was suppose to snow so I wanted to get on and off the road as soon as possible. She agrees....we wake up and I am getting ready to go. I go outside put oil in the car and sweep all 5 tons of snow off the car and I put all of our crap in there as well. When I walk into the house thinking she was ready she is just sitting there like we were to spend another day there. I am pissed but I try to be calm because we only woke up like 30 minutes before that. I get more and more pissed though as it seems she is trying her best to get her ass left behind. I am fuming but never enough to say anything and I think that is what really saves me a lot of time. Just think of all the time it would take to talk to her and then talk to her again about what we just talked about. It's just better to save it and put your anger out through video games.

I learned a couple of things from M during our time in Omak. One is she gets really upset when you are not behind everything from her heritage 100%. Second anytime you are disagreeing with her she tells you to stop yelling even though you said it in kind of a sleepy voice. Is that enough to stop loving her? Hell No! Because we all have out fuck ups and if these are the only things wrong with her a good left hook can fix that (just kidding).

Merry Christmas.....Mofo!

2006-12-25T14:51:00.000-08:00

I am still at woman's sister's house and other than not being able to see my kid I have a great day. My girl got me a black Nintendo DS and her family got me a $40 gift card from best buy so once again my baby has done well.

I have text Adriane and asked her to let me see Faith and she has not return my text. I feel horrible for the fact that I did not go see my kid. I let her down by thinking I would not want her to see me inthis bad shape. Now I don't ever see her and I am in worse shape.

It is always fun watching the look on kids faces as they open their gift and learn what has been hidden under than wrapping paper for the past couple weeks. This is a holiday for kids so it is always great to see every kid with big smile on their face as they look at that shiny new toy.

I am having great plans on promoting my next DVD. I will now have the resources to promote it in inovative ways and maybe it will help sell more. No matter what though I will be happy doing this nerdy video stuff.

Not home for the Holidays.

2006-12-24T19:43:00.000-08:00

I am currently sitting in my girls sister's house and there is one thing thatkeeps popping in my head. Where did all these kids come from! The answer is a sad one and one I will not share in my blog (it is already full of my failure). Everyone is all dressed up....for what? I have no idea. they just all got dressed so they could eat. The thing that is bugging me is my girl's insistence that I share in everything mexican. They have tomales. I don't want tomales. She gets mad at me not wanting tomales and starts to do her pantented pout and curse. I remain on chair trying to figure out why TBS would air only one movie (a Christmas Story) for 24 hours. I love her but she gets so mad when you don't want to participate in something from her culture. I never got mad when she didn't want to go to the drag strip so why does she blow a gasket over such small things. I don't mean any harm I just don't want to do certain things. She never counts the things I do with her just the things I don't do and that is not right.....oh yeah I almost forgot! MERRYCHRISTMAS MOFOS!!!!

The downside of life

2006-12-19T00:38:00.000-08:00

What do you tell your lover ones when you just go day to day in life not really expecting much. yesterday was my birthday and the more I see birthdays the more I feel disillusioned about life in general. I like certain aspects of the whole thing. I like playing video games and reading and doing comedy but that is about all. I am so tired of the grind, where nothing really changes in my life except another wrong turn. Comedy is doing alright though, I got to perform for Avista Utilities and Comcast Cable and if I must say so myself I rocked the hell out of that place. I also got to sell a lot of DVDs too. But after I left that emptiness filled right back up.

I usually try to just play games and watch movies...you know to wait everything out but I still feel like crap when I done doing that. I don't even like to sleep! The greatest waster of time is sleeping but I usually feel worst when I wake up then before I went to sleep.

This is the stuff you can't tell M. She will just sit there and say something vague like "well that is life." Yes, I know this is life why say something that makes no logical sense! The other reason I try not to tell her is because I don't want her thinking she can help me or it is something wrong with her because I am down on life. She also has this thing where if she is feeling down it is my fault. One night we are laying in bed and she just says "want to do it." And I say "Nope." She jumps out the bed and goes turn on the TV. I try to go to sleep but I know that something is wrong so I don't. She comes to bed a little bit later and says "You make me feel ugly." No, you think you are ugly but since I wanted to go to sleep it is more convenient to blame it on me. Sometimes a guy just wants to go to sleep not "do it" or anything like that I just want to sleep.

I think she has been looking through my phone but I am not sure. I have seen it moved when I put it one place but I don't need the arguments so I just leave it alone.

I don't know what I am getting for Christmas but I hope it is something I wanted. Nothing sucks more than to get something that you have no interest in or will ever use. She has a big box down by the tree for me but she will not tell me if it is a Nintendo DS. She says no but I don't want to go out and get one because if it is then I will have wasted money. I also bought her brother-in-laws their gifts but I don't even know if they got me anything. I don't want to be buying anyone stuff if they are not going to get me anything in return. They say Christmas is about giving not receiving......well they better give me something or they will receive a foot in their asses.

Top Five Most Highly Anticipated Games of 2007

2006-12-12T16:30:00.000-08:00

If you just shelled out a grand just to get the best gaming has to offer and are now just sitting there wondering why you spent so much money when the rent was due please let me help you make your bad situation a little less painful. I have compiled a list of the top 5 games you are gonna want. I have been watching the progress of these games and they all have plans to be released during the 2007 year (most of them will be released during the holiday time frame from September to late November). So why am I still yapping lets get to the games!

5. John Woo Presents Stranglehold (Xbox360 PS3)- If you are like me you have always wanted to walk through an abandoned church with doves flying around you in slow motion. That is the magic of a John Woo film it makes you feel like even though you are watching an action movie that really makes no sense you still feel kinda good because of the symbolism in all of it. And this game will deliver on that aspect as well. They have designed a game that is almost totally destructible from tables and chairs to those creepy oriental statues everything breaks apart from the down pour of hot lead. And to top it off Chow Yun–Fat is in the game....do I need to say more!

4. Mass Effect (Xbox 360 PS3)- If you ever played Jade Empire for the xbox or any of the games that Bioware has put out in the past five years then you know how they can take the RPG genre and bend it to make their game enjoyable for more than just fans of RPGs. This game is what the next generation is all about and the ability to change the storyline based on your actions is mighty damn intriguing.

3. Forza Motorsports 2 (Xbox 360)- I loved the first one when it came out for the Xbox a couple of years ago. That game had the ability to suck you in making you play just a little longer so you can get the money for that nicer faster better smelling (I assume) car. This game was pushed back from it's regular release this year and hopefully it will be a good thing. This time around there are suppose to be over 300 licensed cars and over 70 tracks. As long as one of those 300 cars is not a Pacer I will be alright.

2. Assassins Creed (Xbox360)- When I was going to school I used to wonder why were there never an assassin at the careers day events. And the reason is simple, they were probably busy killing someone. If you have ever wanted to run around killing people and being all sneaking and shit then you maybe waiting for this game like me. The game is set in the crusade era where the first assassins were running around stabbing people with sharp objects. The game dynamics is looking to be really nice with the way you encounter other people in the game. Say you walking down a busy street in this game well if you start running into people and pushing them around then people will start to point you and we all know it is hard to sneak up on someone when they know your there. you can also climb buildings like a monkey with Velcro on his paws to get a better vantage point to attack. All in all I think this is shaping up to be one of the best games next year.

1. Halo 3 (Xbox360)- The Halo franchise has sold over 10 million copies of Halo 1 and 2 so really do I have to tell you much about this game. You will again reprise the role of the Master Chief as he is aiming to finish the fight this time on the planet earth. The 2nd game in the franchise ending with a cliff hanger that left many people wanting to kill the person who came up with that silly ass idea. This game is suppose to finish this plot line and is suppose to be the last game (even though there is Halo Wars coming out next year to that is a Real Time Strategy game set in the Halo Universe). From what I have been reading it looks like they are trying to fix some of the little problems that plagued the multiplayer aspect of this game. If they can let me have the address of the guy that beats me to death with the butt of his rifle and then tries to hump my dead body while calling me gay pants then I think they have succeeded

3rd Annual Rileyspot Videogame Awards

2006-12-12T16:12:00.000-08:00

Welcome to this years Rilespot video game award post! I am your host and favorite negro handing out all of the awards this year. So let us begin.

Nintendo DS game of the year: New Super Mario Bros.

Xbox 360 game of the year: Gears of War

Playstation 2 game of the year: Final Fantasy XII

Xbox game of the year: Tom Clancy Double Agent

PC game of the year: Neverwinter Nights 2

Sports game of the year: MLB '06 The Show (Playstation 2)

Action/Adventure game of the year: Gears of War (Xbox 360)

RPG game of the year: The Legend of Zelds: The Twilight Princess (Nintendo Wii)

Biggest disappointment: Marvel Ultimate Alliance- I wanted this game to be great so bad but no matter what critcs say this game disappointed me big time. The camera was zoomed to far away to make the graphic power of the 360 make a difference. The AI was silly acting at times, but I love comic book characters so much I am thinking I may go back and check it out....if I can find a used copy.

Game of the year: Gears of War (Xbox 360)- Out of all the games this year this one was the biggest of the big. The only thing that could equal the excitement I had for this game was the launch of the Nintendo Wii. From beginning to end this game was jammed pack with the type of action usually reserved for summer blockbuster but lasting more than an hour and a half. This is probably the best 60 bucks I spent since my last trip to the Chinatown.

My Wii code

2006-12-11T11:10:00.000-08:00

For those that have a Wii and want an extra Wii friend here's mine

Feeling down

2006-12-05T22:24:00.000-08:00

Lately I have just been feeling down. I have been feeling like this for a couple of week even though things are going really good for me right now. I haven't seen my kid in months and I think that is what is killing me. The thing is that I have been avoiding her trying to get my stuff together but I may have actually just made things worse by doing that. I don't make a ton of money (not with this comedy) and I have child support to pay and the thing is that if I were to pay the amount they want me to pay I would be living on the streets and I could not go to school. Altogether I make maybe about 600 a month if you count comedy which I don't do all the time. There is no way I can pay 891 bucks a month but for some reason no one but me really understands that. I could get another job but that would take away from my study time and on top of that there is no way to know if I can make enough to pay child support and rent.

I have asked Adriane on many occasions to take what I can give her but for some reason she thinks I am hiding out on her. I would never do anything like that. She is trying to make an enemy out of me and by not seeing Faith I fell for it hook line and sinker. I thought time would make things better between her mom and I but it did not and now I have this hole in my heart from not seeing her and now that I know it didn't change anything I am even more upset. You would think I would have known better but when it comes to thinks like this I am an idiot.

I was looking for gifts for her when I texted her mom to see if she would like this certian toy. She told me not to bother and to leave her alone. I told her if I am to leave my kid alone then it has to be a two way street. Don't tell me not to try and see her but then every month have your hand out. If you want to be the only parent then be the only parent but don't try to get money out of me and then say I can not see my kid. How am I suppose to tell M that I will not be going over to see Faith. I don't know how to solve this I have dug a hole I can not get out of and it is hurting really bad.

Sometime I think that I would be a better dad if I was not even around. She doesn't see me now at least if I were gone she would get some money. I will keep trying to see her but I maybe talking to thin air now.

The worst dad ever?

2006-11-24T17:34:00.000-08:00

So I am one of those people that get excited to wake up at 4 in the morning to endure lines at the local electronic store. Well, after all that I was in Wal-Mart when I ran into some ex relatives. As I am making my way out of the store I see what appears to be a meth addict only with teeth....Oh! It is my ex-sister-in-law. She stares. I wave. She stares some more. I walk away. She then calls me over and starts to give me a lecture about child support and seeing my kid. I was not expecting this attack! I was flustered up and all I could say was "I like ham?" (yes I said it with the question mark). Well then I walk away thinking who the fuck is this hoskank talking too? This is the same person that dropped out of school during their senior year and basically walks around with a dick in every hole (and I mean EVERY HOLE). While I am thinking of new terms to call this new breed of heifer I spot my ex-wife ex-mother-in-law and my kid walking out of Wal-Mart and they are not walking out they are practically running. So I get to my car and just watch them run away from me.

To say I was pissed of was one thing. Don't ever step in someones face when you think you know everything but have no fucking clue what is actually going on. That is the biggest thing I hate about having a kid with this woman she distorts the facts so much in her favor that it is now where near the truth. But her skeletor sister did make a good point (I think) and that is I don't see my kid nearly enough. There are a number of things that stop me from going over there to see her. One is I don't pay child support. Not from a lack of trying but from the fact that when you only have about 500 a month and they want 900 in child support it doesn't take a Math major to figure out that you will not be eating like that. I have called and text this woman asking her if we can work out a deal so both sides can be happy. I can take care of my kid and she can use the child support money to buy more KY jelly. But that is not what she wants. She see 900 a month on a piece of paper and dammit that is how much she is going to get!

If this was really about me and my kid she would try to work out anything that can get this settled. But it isn't, it is about money, that has been her driving force since I met her 4 years ago. There is still some emotion when I get over there. She likes to rub her new found success in my face. This heifer would never call me but all of a sudden she calls me just to tell me she bought a new car. Didn't you file for bankruptcy a couple of months ago? Yes, but they will give you a car loan anyway! So the best way for me to keep my emotion down is to stay over here on my side of town. The person caught in the middle really has no idea what is going on. All she knows is that one day we are all together chilling in the backyard next thing you know she is coming to spend a couple of hours with me to watch over the hedge.

I blame no body but myself for this turn of events. I try to avoid conflict so much that I often neglect the ones who care about me the most. And nobody loves daddy like his baby girl. I tried to make a mends but it was to no good. I still feel like I should have said more to the hoskank (that is my term don't steal it) but I didn't want to blow up in Wal-Mart. Because nothing says dysfunctional like a fight with relatives in Wal-Mart.

So what I do now? I don't know. I should have ran after them to just look at my kid again. I should have never abandoned her to be with those crazy ass white folk (but not you white folks reading this ya'll ok!). I can not change the past I have to make the things I have learn now prepare me to make better decisions in the future. Out of everyone though you would think I would have stuck by her side. She is probably the only person that will look at me the same no matter what I have done. And I will do the same for her. It is not to late to make this work out, what I have to do is not let what her mom say to others to make herself look like a victim bother me. What I have to do is man up and take care of my responsibilities and right now that means calling up a lawyer to help me get this child support taken care of and at the same time make sure I get back in there with my kid. When you love someone you can not do it from afar you have to touch them and let them know they are wanted or that warmth that you gave them when you were near will fade away and you may never get to love them again.

My hunt for a Nintendo Wii

2006-11-20T11:17:00.000-08:00

I have done a lot of silly things during my life, but waiting in line for over 7 hours to give someone money for a Nintendo Wii is the silliest thing I have ever done. If you have been reading this blog in the past couple of months then you will know that I am smitten with the idea that the Nintendo Wii brings to the table. I was looking for a line to get into starting at around 8pm Saturday night. By 1 am I was pissed that every place I tried didn't have enough for you to get. So I decided to wait in line at the local Best Buy. I was #32 in a line of about 70-80 people. The feeling I got when the Best Buy employee handed me that ticket was a feeling I haven't felt in a long time. Yes, I did freeze my ass and yes I was awake for over 24 hours, but damnit I got my Wii and I love it. The motion sensing is really nice and it works well in the scheme of things. I am addicted to Wii Sports that came with the console and it is really simple but some of the games on it do not work quite as advertised. Boxing for example does not take kindly to fast moves. It is really hard to punch in the direction that you want to. You will mainly spend your time just punching like an idiot not really having any strategy.

So, the guy from Seinfield (Kramer) was at the laugh factory yelling racial slurs after some black guys heckled him. With that I have lost all respect for this guy (not that I had a ton for him to begin with). To shut a heckler up is one thing but to just throw racial slurs around (like "50 years ago you would have been hanging upside down with a fork up your ass!"). And to top it off he didn't really seem apologetic. That is sad that someone like him that works in a profession where you will get called out for your comedy talent by people that do not think you are funny does not have a better way to deal with it then racial comments. And the fact that he was at the Laugh Factory and they continue to let him perform is another messed up thing. This is the main reason racism is as alive then ever because no one checks the guy that does crap like this. Their thinking is hell he is not making fun of me is usually in effect. We have to correct people's way of thinking when it comes to hating someone on such rough basis as skin color or religion. As long as there are ignorance there will be racism, but we as people should not let it continue in such a way.

I just have one last thing to say.....NINTENDO WII BITCHES!!

OUT!

360 vs PS3 vs Wii

2006-11-15T11:22:00.000-08:00

If you are like me (a video game fan not asian porn lover) you are loving this week, even if you are broke and can not afford a new console this weekend you are still waiting to see what develops. If you have not been keeping up on what is going on with these systems I will give you the rundown and my picks for what place they will finish in when it is all said and done. So let us begin!

Xbox 360 (already out) $299.99(core) $399.99(premium):

Good: If you are looking for a console that does it all but you don't want to sit in line to get a PS3 then you can not go wrong with the 360. It has been out for a year now and the triple A games are finally starting to come out and show what this thing can do. Playing online with friends is easy with Xbox Live (gold) as you can chat with your friends while you are playing a game and if you are the visual type just but the live camera (39.99) and you can do video chat. The graphics are great and the controller is really comfortable (more than the original xbox).

Bad: They have something called micro transactions where you buy points and use those points to buy things like themes for the menu to your 360 or games from Xbox Live Arcade. The problem with this is that some companies are taking advantage of this to weird extremes. Like EA for example. They now let you buy cheats for games that they have made and they are charging for alternate uniforms in games like Madden 07 (when these things have been in games for years now). The system is also really loud so if you like your peace and quiet then this is the wrong way to go.

Top games: Gears of War, SmackdownVsRaw 2007, NBA2K7,

Playstation 3 (Nov 17th) 499.99(20 gb model) 599.99(60 gb model):

Good: Sony said the next generation doesn't start until they say so and by the looks of it they may be right. If there ever was a prototype for next generation consoles then the PS3 is a great example of it. The CPU is a special chip designed by Sony and Toshiba called the "Core". It is suppose to have eight cores on this one chip meaning this thing is a damn beast! They have "future proof" the console by placing their next generation DVD format Blue Ray into the system. A regular DVD holds about 4.7 gb (gigabits) of data, but a single Blue Ray disc holds 50 GB! The console will also play PS1 and PS2 games and the premium model will have built in WiFi so you ocan connect it to your wireless network for online gaming.

Bad: They have been having trouble with the amount of systems they will release on launch day. Japan got only about 88,000 consoles and the US is expected to get 400,000 that means there will not be enough for everyone that wants one on launch day. The trouble stems from their inability to make enough Blue Ray diodes (the things that read the disc) so they have to slim down the number. Blue Ray is not a proven technology in the way that they have another competing Hi Def DVD format (HD-DVD) to contend with. The system is expensive and that may be the biggest obstacle for Sony to cross right now. A lot of people would love to have one but when you will have to go to a store and shell out almost $1,000 that is not a good thing. They have a very vague online strategy that will have the developers of games come up with the basic networking (servers things like that).

Top Games: Resistence: Fall of Man, Lair, NBA 07

Nintendo Wii (Nov 19th) 249.99:

Good: If you like underdogs then here he is. Nintendo is use to being the top dog but the past couple of generations have not been kind to the land that Mario built. But if you look at their newest system the Nintendo Wii, you may think that they have a chance to get back on top of the home console market (they own the handheld market). First is their revolutionary controller that is mainly based on the movement of the player. This controller (call the Wiimote) has motion sensors in it that can tell where and how fast you are waving the controller around. This will bring a new level of gaming that home consoles have never seen before. Imagine being in a first person shooter and being able to just point the controller to your enemies to blow their heads off.

Bad: This system is not as powerful as the other two hence the price tag. Nintendo maybe getting to weird for a lot of folks as lazy people may not want to wave a controller around for hours on end. The graphics are the first thing that will pull people in and Nintendo just doesn't have it. The past couple of generations has seen 3rd party developers not make many games for a Nintendo console (3rd part developers are game makers not owned by Nintendo). They have a vague online plan that will not see any online games until 2007.

Top Games: The Legend of Zelda: The Twilight Princess, Red Steel,

If I had to put money on which system will succede my choices would go as follows:

1. Xbox 360
2. Nintendo Wii
3. Sony Playstation 3

My thoughts are people will go for what is cheap and it looks like the cheapest of all the systems just happen to be the ones I am getting! So if people are like me then they will go the route I went and that is for what is cheaper.

My first glimpse of Wii

2006-11-11T15:03:00.000-08:00

These are a couple of pictures I took of the Wii display that was in Target. As you can see the system is small but not that damn small. It will fit in those entertainment centers that are already cluttered with crap. I did not get a chance to get my hands on the Wiimote, I will try to go down to the nearest gamestop or somethin and see if they have one set up. The guy I spoke to at Target was telling me about the system (stuff I already knew but I didn't want to seem rude). The main thing I didn't get to ask him was will they be open at midnight so people can pick one up. I will call around and try to chart a strategy to see which store I will go to pick one up.

no money mo problems

2006-11-06T11:25:00.000-08:00

We have all seen a homeless guy on the street, have you ever wondered if he actually liked being broke. Think about it no bills you basically have no responsiblity and no one expects anything from you. Hell, you can crap your pants and no one will even flitch. If I didn't like eating everyday and sleeping in a house I would give it a try. See now that I got some money coming in I now have to take care of the things that I could not when I was broke. For some reason now things get multiplied now like the light bill. Same usage (at least I thought) now it is almost a hundred bucks a month. Now I am running all around the house cutting lights off and shit. Child Support is another thing. I could just look them in the face and say hey I don't have any money man leave me alone. Now If I pay them what they want I will be back in broke brother land (I hate that place). So now I have to get a lawyer to handle all of that, but lawyers are not cheap. I think I can do the paperwork myself but really who am I kidding?

Gears of War will be in my hands in less than 24 hours and I am as excited as a black man at an mainly white university can get without getting arrested. If you were to read the game furoms all across the web you will see that you have your usual group of people that want it now (like me) then you have people that are already saying it will not be that good (I call them stupid ass holes). Then of course there are the bandwagon jumpers that are waiting to see if it gets a good score and then they will jump on and say how they where looking all over for it. From what I have read and seen it looks like it will be the game to beat this year especially if you only own an Xbox 360. If you are one of those few that are waiting to see if it is any good just go over to gamespot.com and check out all the videos you will thank me later.

I want that TV!

2006-11-04T21:53:00.000-08:00

For the past couple of weeks I have been drooling over getting a new LCD television. There are two reasons for this. The main one being I want to play video games on a bigger better display. I saw a LCD monitor in Best Buy (32 inch) for only 699.99! For those of you who do not research this stuff like I do, this is a great price for such a nice television. The only problem is that I have something called family and they need Christmas gifts. I can wait until the 1st of December to get them gifts but I really don't want to do that. M would usually tell me to be patient the money to get it later but I could save 200 bucks if I could have gotten it today! I looked at that bad boy and it had all the connections I would need, it was really a beauty! I then went to a local rent a center but I can not bring myself to paying that much for a TV just because I want a new TV. I see the one I want and hopefully best buy won't jack the prove back to 899 or I will have to really just wait and save.

Finally played Charles in Madden 07 and I didn't get beat as bad as I thought I would. The first game he beat me by 2 touchdowns and the second he beat me by a lot more but we were just messing around then. It felt good to just sit there playing with my best friend talking about stuff. That is the great thing about Xbox 360, you can bring yourself closer to the people that are far away and that is always a good thing.

Borat and the common cold

2006-11-03T11:28:00.000-08:00

Me and the Lady wll be going to see Borat (hopefully) tonight. For a movie that is suppose to be in large release it is playing in only one theatre. Is it because of all the things in the news about it (google it) I don't know all I do know is that I have been wanting to see this thing for a while and now I can!

My boy Charles has been trying to play me in Madden 2007 for the Xbox 360 since I got the damn thing and even though my skills are not as good as his I know for sure that I can give him a run for his money, unless of course my guy fumbles and stuff like that then I am up shit creek (where did that expression come from it is a very nasty phrase a creek made of shit...).

On November 7th the world will collapse. At least that's what I think seeing as how there are no less than 3 Triple A games coming out and those annoying ads for politicians will finally be gone. The games that will coming out are Gears of War (!) Call of Duty 3 and Guitar Hero 2 for the PS2. If you want to string a guitar but don't have a PS2 then wait awhile and the Xbox will have one during the 1st qtr of 2007.

Gears of War, to me at least, will be the game that shapes the next couple of weeks in the gaming world. When Halo came out many a person that would not have normally bought a Microsoft machine bought one and began to kill friends with glee upon their faces. Gears of War will do the same thing and I think that is a good and a bad thing. Good because it is a great game but bad because that will bring a lot of annoying people into the online portion of the game making it harder for newer people to get into the game. I have always had a problem with this. Hopefully I am just thinking negatively.

To Wii or not to Wii

2006-11-01T11:31:00.000-08:00

This is the time that comes around every five or so years that makes you glad to be a gamer. I have the chance to get a Nintendo Wii when they come out in a couple of weekends. I look at the Wii as the one system that can change the perception of gaming of those that never really got into it much. For those that claim the current batch of controllers has way to many buttons I say to you grab a wiimote and enjoy. But the people that said normal controllers are hard my say the samething about the weird gestures you must make with the wii in order to get things to happen on screen and to them I say if waving a piece of plastic is still difficult fo you may I suggest swallowing a bullet.

I have the money and the desire to have one, but the thing that is putting me off is will there be any games I will really want to play? Right now I see about 2 games that I really want to buy when the thing is first released. The legend of Zelda and red steel. The legend of Zelda is of course the Legend of Zelda. I really don't need to get in any further with that. This is what gaming is all about and Nintendo will do right with this game. Red Steel is supposed to draw in the "mature" crowd. What that really is is the crowd that like a ton of cursing in their media. They have a fishing game which if you know anything about the wiimote will be second nature for the system. Can I really justify paying 250 bucks on a system when I really only want two games. I don't really know. All I know is that I am really confused right now.

Gears of War is less then a week away and while I was at the mall the other day I asked the clerk at the gamestop there if they were going to have like a midnight release thing and according to him if they get the game on the morning of the 6th (next monday) they will call and see if they can release it then and if they get the go ahead they will do just that. I got a little excited at the thought of getting this game almost 24 hours before it is scheduled to be released! I am really looking forward to the next couple of weeks as two really good games are due to come out, 3 if you count Call of Duty 3. Smackdown Vs Raw 2007 is one of those games that I pick up almost every year just like the Madden franchisse. This game looks and plays really well and I hope that translates into fun for everyone.

TV dilemma

2006-10-29T22:32:00.000-08:00

I was just doing what I do every Sunday going to Best Buy and drooling over all of the stuff that I can not afford to have. When I walked up on something I have been eyeing for awhile. A 32 inch LCD screen from Insignia (Best Buy's brand)for 599 bucks! My pulse starts to raise and I get a slight erection. This is the television I have been looking for since I got my Xbox 360! Now my Xbox 360 will have a mate suitable for it's awesome power. It only does 720p...So what! I have seen 1080i and it ain't doing it for me! But there is only one problem. M would have my balls in a sling if she found out I bought something else that plugs into a wall. How can you convince someone that enjoys the TV we got now about the wonders of progressive television? Do you do it while giving them a back massage? Or how about tell them when they are sleeping, go set it up doing the night and when they wake up to find a larger TV in place of the older one you say, "Oh my goodness! Looks like we have been robbed!" "But I guess the burglars felt guilty and gave us something better instead!" That won't work she is much to intelligent for that!

See this is what goes through my head every damn time I go into the TV section of a major retailer. I imagine that I have a bank account the size of the federal deficit and I enjoy myself by purchasing a large screen TV. Not to big mind you, just something bigger and better than what I have right now. But this is the wrong time of the year to have such thoughts because I am suppose to be buying things for others not my naughty little self. I know no one loves me enough to spend that much money on me. Hell I rarely spend that much money on myself! I know this is the geek in me trying to get all the things he wanted because he never got them when he was a kid but at least for right now I will behave get everyone else the crap they "deserve" and cross my fingers that someone gets me a best buy gift certificate.

Miscalculations

2006-10-27T11:37:00.000-07:00

In my holiday special I stated that one of the games to get this year would be Marvel Ultimate Alliance. Well, I am here to report that I do not endorse this game anymore. The reason for that is simple....it sucks! Ok it doesn't suck really bad but a 60 dollar game needs to draw you in and this game did not do that. This game is the third in a series of games made by Raven the first two had a cel-shaded like graphic design and although it was straight forward it was a good time to be had. The problem is that the newest game does the same damn thing only it has shinier graphics and that is not worth 60 bucks to me. The combat is wild and untamed as you other super hereos are running around on the screen. The only good thing about the game I can think of off the top of my head is the amount of characters that are in the damn thing. But like I said it is not worth 60 bucks. If you have a last generation system then get it for that system and enjoy.

I am anxious to find out what M is getting me for Christmas. She is really good at getting me just the things I wanted or needed and never buying me crap that I will have to return (I hate holiday returns). She asked me if I had an idea on what I want and I told her to check out the blog.....that is a sneaky way of getting her to read my shit. I really have no big wants this year, I am in school I have a roof over my head and my kid has the same as I do so I am fairly happy. If I were to nitpick I would want a new car battery seeing as how this one is about to go (I think) or maybe a newer car all together.

I have not decided if I should get my mother and sister anything for Christmas. I never had a good Christmas living with my mom. She was so obviously biased that I never really understood why she kept me in the house. On Christmas morning I would wake up to see my bother playing with the coolest new toy while I was playing with a spinning top. I would run out of the room yelling "Bitch! I'm not Jewish!" And this happened every year, even when it was school time she would get him the nice shoes then go to the dollar store to get mine. So that is mainly the reason why I never get her anything and if I do it is last minute never something she wants. She wants a new hip this year, I will get her a spinning top.

What I would like for Christmas

2006-10-24T10:49:00.000-07:00

I have already given you great shopping ideas for your love ones (or that guy at work that is black mailing you) this holiday season but there are somethings that I want my damn self. Here they are a list of the things I would really like to have this Christmas.

1. Best Buy gift card- I spend more time in there then most of the people that work there, so it is no suprise that I want some cash to buy some stuff that I have been eyeing for the past couple of months. I usually just ask the technology illeterate people in my life to just get me this instead of trying to get something I will not return.

2. Nintendo Wii- If you read my past couple of post then you know I am in love with this console. If I can get the money up I will get it myself but I want a love one to get it so they can feel like they know me.

3. portable harddrive- I do a lot of video editing and stuff of that nature so I would love to get my hands on some extra space that I can easily carry around in my book bag and use with either my labtop or desktop. That is where the portable harddrive comes into play. You can take it whereever and still get work done.

4. HDTV: I have an HD ready tv which means that you need to bring all the good stuff. What I really want is an HDTV that do 720p (progressive). That way I can play my xbox 360 in all of its HD glory. The prices are coming down but I don't think I am loved that damn much by anyone.

5. studio mic: I want a mic where I can plug up and do my voice overs and podcast without all the damn popping that comes with ones made for the PC. I can not remember the name of the specific one I was eyeing but my love ones will know which one I am talking about because I will talk about it until someone stabs me with rusty spoon.

This you should want this Christmas Part 2: The rest

2006-10-24T10:14:00.000-07:00

If you are a geek like me you love to get you sweaty little hands on the hottest gadgets that have come out in the past couple of months. Well I will help you figure out all of the cool things to beg for this holiday season, enjoy!

Motorola Q: If you have Verizon service or you have been looking for a do it all smart phone may I suggest the Motorola Q. It runs on Windows Mobile so you can use it instead of a labtop to put some polish on those last minute papers. It has everything you need in a smartphone and with the ability to listen to music and play movies (via the microsd slot) you will have entertainment as well as education.

Treo (650/680/700p/700w): I have always been a big fan of Palm OS devices and I love smartphone, but until recently I never had the money to afford one. Well I have one and I don't know what I would do without it. If you don't want to carry you labtop around then fine, get your important papers on your treo (with included software) and edit them right there will you are waiting in line for a frapacino (sic). The 650 is the oldest of the bunch but about the only thing you are missing is a 1.3 megapixel camera. The 700p/w is the newer one with the p standing for the Palm OS and the w meaning Windows mobile (you don't need addition software to edit files and such with the widows version). The newest one to hit the streets is the 680 which dosen't have the antenna or the 1.3 camera but the quality of a Treo smartphone.

SE P990i: If you have a GSM carrier (T mobile or Cingular) and your parents or love ones have extra dough then this is the smartphone to ask for. The P990i has all the cool stuff you expect from a smartphone. And please don't let the Symbian OS scare you away it can do almost all of the functions a Palm OS or Windows Mobile can do. It is pricey though, last time I checked it was going for about 900 bucks! So if you have everything then this is the ultimate smart phone to have.

LG Chocolate: If you are one of the many people that have a Razr and you want to stand out in a crowd then get the LG Chocolate only on Verizon. It looks like a fat ass ipod but with the ability to make calls and look really cool while you hang out at the local coffee shop. It comes with an microsd slot so you can put video and music onto the bad boy.

Apple ipod nano (RED): You want a music player and help a worthy cause then pick up one of the special edition RED nanos from Apple. They are just like the nanos that were just released a couple of months ago but the special red version (4gb of space) is cool because when you buy one 10% of the profits will go to fund a charity that U2 band leader Bono is spearheading to help people in Africa. So you get a cool looking ipod and people in Africa get to eat. That is a good deal in my book!

Apple macbook/macbook pro: If you are in the hunt for a labtop then you should check out the Apple line of labtops the macbook and the macbook pro. They both run on Apple's amazingly simple OS X (ten for those not in the know) and they have all of the software that you would usually have to pay extra for with a PC. If you are into making music then you have garageband. If you are into making home movies (or professional ones for that matter) then you get imovie and idvd to put it on a DVD. I have one and I recommend getting either one. But if you are a rough person then get the macbook pro which has a shiny metel casing so it will not scratch as easily.

Hi Def TV: It would take several pages to actually tell you all about Hi Def TV so I will try my best to sum it up......GET ONE DAMNIT! If you are into watching movies or playing video games then this should be the top thing on your list. That TV you bought 6 years ago was cool but now it is an ancient relic waiting for you to put it out of it's misery. Hi Def (Hi Definition) is a tv that will display your image (providing you give it a hi def image to display) clearer than you have ever seen it before. There are several types of TVs and several types of resolutions to chose from. What you need to do is find out what you will be playing on this TV (Hi Def cable dvds games) and find the TV that fits your needs. A couple of years ago I bought an HDTV ready CRT that can display images up to 1080i (1080 lines interlaced) if you don't have a clue what I am saying then take you ass to www.cnet.com and look for their info on HDTVs.

Camera: If you are looking for a camera guess what it is your time of year because prices have been going down for the past couple of years on digital cameras so there is no more need to worry about the sun ruining you precious film. I have been looking around and I have been able to find 7 megapixel cameras for a low as 300 bucks. If you are just looking for a point and shoot camera then get something around the 5-7 megapixel area that way you will not spend a bit wad of money on more camera then you really need. If you are one of those people that have to have the coolest shit (like me) than you can probably get yourself an 8-10 megapixel camera for around 500 bucks.

Harry J. Riley Bringing the Funny DVD: If you have a person in your family that loves to laugh and loves stand up than what better gift to give then a DVD made by yours trully! There is over an hour of great comedy all pack on a DVD for only 5 buck! You can't beat that price with a big oak stick.

That concludes my holiday special so now you have an idea of what that special geek wants in their life. A thing to ponder though is wait until the day after Thanksgiving before you do any major shopping. Stores will usually slash a couple of bucks off of certain items so you can save yourself some green for more important things (like my DVD).

Things you should want this Christmas Part 1: The Games

2006-10-23T11:33:00.000-07:00

I love doing these post because I get to let others know about all the cool things they should be begging their love ones for this holiday season. Since I have class in a little while I have decided to split this post up into several bite sized bits for you to chew upon. This first part will be on the coolest systems and games that will be coming out from here until the end of the year. I hope you enjoy!

Systems:

Nintendo DS Lite(Price 129.00): If you are not a fan of this little handheld then you should be ashamed of yourself. If you are a student that takes public transportation to and from school this will basically become your best friend. The DS means dual screen and the lite means it is the slimmer "sexier" version of the bigger more toy looking version that came out a couple of years ago. There are already a slew of great games for the system and if that isn't good enough you can always use your classic Game Boy Advance games on the system.

Nintendo Wii (249.99): If you want to join the next generation of gaming but don't have the Grand needed to get the Playstation 3 (or a house to get a second morgage on) the may I suggest the Wii. If you have been reading this blog then you know I am smitten by this console. It does not have the latest technology or a hard drive or a personal monkey that will clean your mouth as you play, but what it lacks in those categories it makes up for in plain fun. The most inovative thing I have seen in a home console in a long time is Nintendo's Wiimote. It looks just like a remote contol but it has motion sensors in it so when you swing the controller to and fro it will make things happen on the screen. This may sound like a lot of work but if you enjoy internet porn then you already know how to sit down and swing you hand around. Another great thing about this system is the Virtual Console. It will make avaiable tons of Nintendo, Sega and other 8 and 16 bit games right there on teh system (for a price of course) so if you have 300 bucks and what a new system then give this one a try.

Xbox 360 (299.00 (base) 399.99 (premium)) I will keep to the facts because I own a 360 so I don't want to sound like I am biased but If you want the next generation and next gen technology then look no further then the Xbox 360 (that unbiased shit didn't last long). What you get is more than a system but a living breather entity that will suck hours of your life away. You can play the pretty games or you can just chat with your friends on Xbox live. Or you can watch a movie clip in High Def (if your TV allows). Or if you want to play a classic (UNO anyone) just go to Xbox live arcade and buy one of the classic arcade games of your misspent childhood. I have only had my 360 for a little over a month and I can assure you, you will enjoy it. (gamertag dante99208, bring it bitches)

Playstation 3 (499.99 (base) 599.99 (premium)). I am sorry to say this but if you haven't already pre-ordered a PS3 you will probably not have one under the tree this Christmas. Sony only has about 500,000 of these babies and only 400,000 are coming here. They sold out within minutes so if you were wanting one you may have to wait until the beginning of the new year. This is one hell of a system though and if you can find one (ebay?) get it!

Games:

Castlevania Potrait of Ruin (Nintendo DS): If you like 2-D side scrollers then this is a no brainer but for all of those not knowing what this is it is a game about a bunch of vampire killers doing what vampire killers do best.....kill vampires.

Marvel Ultimate Alliance (every damn system): If you like comics or like to beat crap up then I would suggest this game. It has a roster of over 140 of Marvels best character (as long as that guy that talks to the fishes ain't in it I am good) and you get to make teams of 4 and go around beating shit up. What more can yo get out of 50 bucks (maybe a blowjob).

Smackdown Vs Raw 2007 (360, PS3, PS2): I used to love wrestling. I knew it wasn't real but they got to do something I could only dream of, legally punch and kick the hell out of other people! So that is why I have always loved the Smackdown series. Now they are starting to bring this game out like a sports game and I think it is a cool idea. This game will have all the updated wrestlers and online battling. So bring it brother!

Call Of Duty 3 (everything): I played the PC version of Call of Duty 2 and it was one of those games that kept you wanting to play just a little more. Well they are releasing a sequel and if all goes well it will be just as delicous this time around.

Gears of War (Xbox 360): If you have an Xbox 360 then you better be getting this game when it comes out on November 7th. I am so excited about this game I have mad sure that I will be able to pick it up at midnight and play until I ahve to take my black ass to school. It is a little slower paced than Halo 2 but with as much blood and gore as Mortal Kombat. If you like action shooters then you need to find a way to get the money up to get this game! And did I mention you can play co-op over Xbox live...yeah sweet!

Well that should make your wallet shed a tear or two. But don't worry I will be back tomorrow with Part 2 of my special. I will tell you of all the other goodies that you should be begging you parents/loveones/probation officer to get you this holiday season.

The rough shots

2006-10-17T22:12:00.000-07:00

Being an up and coming comic is hard. What is harder is the criticism, you have to have a hard shell and that is just something I don't possess. When you are an entertainer that is something you have to put with. Example, I got a message on Youtube from one of my videos, what is wrong with fear factor and lets just say it involves Paris hilton and 100 year old cow balls. Now I know I should not sweat some 13 year old Fear Factor fan saying I suck but still it gets to you. I sit here trying to figure out what I can do to make the joke work better not really giving any thought to the fact that this maybe one of those diehard Fear Factor fans or a Paris Hilton fan (got a little message from one of those too). I think the joke is funny but I have only done it once since I got my first negative feedback on youtube. Does that mean I am letting others subconsciously choose my jokes? I hope not! Because if I want to get bigger and better than I have to learn to let these things go and stop thinking about it. I think every comedian wants everyone to adore them so that maybe the main reason I feel the way I do. You want people to love everything you think up but that is not the case. I think I get this soft skin from the fact that I have always had low self esteem. Piling onto that is the fact that my wife leaves me and you can see why I think about these things...Because I think about all the other stuff. But that is part of being a comic, if you don't get some reaction from someone then you are not making them feel anything. So you are just up on stage talking. And if I wanted to do that I am sure I can find a better paying way of doing it.

dammed car

2006-10-17T11:49:00.000-07:00

I hate my piece of crap car. I would say it out loud but I am afraid it would not start as revenge for saying bad things about it. M and I went to go see Man of the Year Sunday, and I should have known it would be a bad day after the car would not start in the damn driveway. After the movie we went to the car and again it would not start. M said let's walk, I said (in my head of course) fuck no and fuck that! So we started walking after a miserable attempt at trying to get the damn thing started. 45 minutes later we are home, my back killing me and now I have to figure out if I really like this car enough that on the off chance that they tow it somewhere would I be willing to pay the ransom to get it back. Well the didn't tow it away and I put a new battery in it and everything is ok......for now (play scary music).

I have a lot of cool things planned for the blog. I am researching the hottest stuff for christmas for my annual what the hell I really want for Christmas post. I am also thinking of making my own podcast and posting it on my blog but I have no damn clue what I am doing so I will have to reasearch that as well. Well I see a multitude of white folks which means it is time for class. LATER!

I suck at math

2006-10-12T21:19:00.000-07:00

So I have been sitting here for the past couple of hours trying to figure out algebra and I must say algebra is kicking my ass! I don't know if I will be able to go through this by myself. I will have to get some help, I have been looking at the stuff on the internet and that is helping me some. I am still making a bunch of stupid mistakes that I should not be making otherwise. If I don't spend this time trying to get this right I will fail this class.

I have been going to the gym a lot more nowadays. Not because I like it but because it is one of my classes. I walk in with my Ipod and I am ready to go. I usually spend 20 minutes on the bike and then the rest of the hour I spend lifting weights and looking at women. I feel a little better but then the math homework gets me back in a shitty mood. My other class is 20th century African American studies and it is on the opposite end of the hard spectrum as compared to the math class. I got full points on my paper on Jack Johnson and the Rosewood Massacre and I made 90% on my first exam. I was so happy but this class kind of goes toward my strong suits which are writing and sitting around listening to historic events.

I have to get my Christmas list ready because believe it or not it is coming sooner than you think.

Doing my school thing

2006-10-10T11:39:00.000-07:00

Things are sweetly since I started going to school. I have had several gigs and I a looking to see if I can get some more. I actually feel like coming to school will be a good thing for me instead of sitting around the house trying to get started in comedy. I think everyone needs to have something to fall back on and the only thing I would have it if wasn't for school is manual labor and you all I am not down with that shit (my fingers are delicate).

I finally got my macbook and it is a great machine to have. The only problem with it is that the case is really glossy so I had to go out and buy a protective like film for it. The damn thing cost me almost 100 bucks and it was hard to swallow but it will be worth it in the long run when my laptop dosen't look like it was in a losing fight with a gang of midgets.

I have really been enjoying Xbox 360. I played against my boy Charles (Culler) and they will tell you basically everything that person has been doing with their consoles. Hell one time it told me he was in the next room getting some (ok I made that up). If you don't want to play you can just chat with the person. Charles and I did that for like an hour and it was fun getting in touch with my boy....he and several of my other friends are basically my brothers. If I had it they would get it so I guess that maybe the reason I can talk to him for long hours at a time like a school girl.

Miriam and I are doing great. I don't think I tell her I love her enough. What I have learned from being with women is that they may know it but they want you to say it out loud every once in a while.

I was just at the Brickwall doing time and I had the best time. I was opening for Rod Long who is probably one of the funniest people to be born in the inland Northwest. The thing that will stick with me was when he told me that I was really funny. It is hard to get other comedians to be truthful about one another and when he told me that reassured me that I can make a nice run for it.....after school of course.

Xbox 360.....got to have one!

2006-09-21T21:21:00.000-07:00

Well, I got my case info back from VA and they approved my case!! I am so happy that it is finally over and I can get back to doing what I do best.....I am still trying to figure out what that is. Now with money coming I am trying to figure out all I need to pay and what I want to buy. That really isn't a problem for me because I have been thinking about this for so long that I have dreamed about ever inch of it. The problem is my woman, for some reason I just have to make sure she approves of everything before I do it. M is way more cautious about money then I am which is not a problem the problem lies with the fact that it seems she is always upset when I tell her I want to buy something or obtain something I have wanted. I understand how she doesn't want me to be in the situation that I was in before, but I have the money and not to many bills. Now she wants me to take care of all the bills for the next month and I don't see a problem with that but I feel like she is trying to punish me for wanting to get an Xbox 360.

Speaking of Xbox 360 I was seconds away from getting one but two things stopped me M and my wallet. See when I didn't have the money I didn't want to get the core system because I wanted the wireless controller and all the other goodies that the premium system had packed in. Now with paying to get my car fixed and paying for books I am about 100 short of getting the premium. I wanted to get a used system but with so many of the 360's with the dreaded red ring of death I am scared of getting one of those and besides the only bonus they come with is either the wireless controller or the wired one because EBgames decided to be greedy and separate all the good stuff. So when you buy a used premium is just like buying a core system. So I wanted to get a brand new core system...only problem with that is you have to spend another couple of hundred later on just to get it up to the premium system. So the delimma is either save for later and get the premium or buy it now and get the rest later enjoying the next generation on the way. If I only had my magic 8-ball.

Getting ready for school

2006-09-18T20:40:00.000-07:00

This will be the last free Monday I will have for a long time! I begin school this wednsday and I am really excited about it all. I have been trying to figure out something to do with my life and now I will begin that search to find something to do that does not end with me getting a job at Best Buy. I have the information on my financial aid and GI bill so I know that they will take care of my school cost so that is another thing I don't have to stress about. The main thing that is stressing me out now is Child Support and the VA.

Child Support is a big burden not because I have to pay it ( I want to take care of my kid) but the amount they want me to pay. $891 bucks is a lot of money even if I was in the military, but being out of the military and having to work here and there to make a buck it is impossible to pay that amount of money and keep a roof over my head. In a perfect world I could call up Faith's mom and say hey I can pay you this and we come to a compromise and everything is good and dandy. But for some reason she thinks I am rolling in money. When I sign those papers agreeing to the amount of child support it was because Faith was being taken care of by her mom and she was not charging an arm and a leg. Now I don't know where she is being taken to but it has to involve exotic juice boxes and little baby back rubs because that is almost double what I was paying not even a year ago. I will go through the proper channels and do what I have to do to get it lowered but I am not sure my efforts will result in a decision in my favor.

I talked to Veteran's Affairs and they have decided on my case. Only thing is they will not tell me about my case! So I have to wait for the mail, which I am sure is playing games with my mail. Whenever I am looking for something in the mail I get nothing. Or I will get a bunch of junk mail. But when I am not looking for something I get mail every damn day! So today I was waiting for the mail and I got something from the VA!! Turns out it was just some insurance they wanted me to buy. But you have to have you claim approved to get the insurance. So is this a sign that my case was approved or do they send this out to everyone. If my case is approved then this is very good news because I have been waiting 3 months short of a year. If it means nothing I will have to wait even longer while I go through the appeals process. Hope it is a good sign for a change!

School and Comedy

2006-09-13T18:53:00.000-07:00

The fall quarter hasn't started yet and I am already having a conflict with my schedule. Tomorrow I will open at Whitworth College and next Wed. I will be in Lewiston Idaho doing a show there. I am happy that comedy is picking up again but I really want to focus on both but really can't. I need to stay on top of my school stuff but comedy is what I love to do. If comedy was paying well enough I would not even think about school but this is the only way I can make a better life for myself.

If everything goes right I will finally get my car back on the road by the beginning of next week! I have the part coming in tomorrow and my girl's brother-in-law will put it on. The part was cheap and it got here quick but for some reason I feel like this may not be the right part.

My girl is starting to piss me off. She is on my computer and that is the only thing I have to play video games on. From 3 until 11 (if she is home) she will be in front of TV and I don't say anything but she gets silly when I tell her I want to play game on the computer. I don't even try to understand this woman sometimes.

Nintendo will be releasing some information tomorow, hopefully it will be information about the release date and price of the Nintendo Wii. This will be the system of the holidays and I can not wait to find out when I can begin to dream of having one placed under my television.

Is it over for the PS3 already?

2006-09-09T11:46:00.000-07:00

What happens when you are the #1 video game console maker for the past two console generations and you begin work on the next console? Well it seems like for Sony their plan was to get really cocky and just think they could waltz into this round of consoles and walk away with the number one spot again. There are only a couple of reasons why people flocked to the PS2. Number 1: They had a DVD player in it! How could you go wrong with a game system you can play movies you don't have to rewind on them. I know that was one main reason I bought one. Number 2: It was the first system released (the dreamcast was released before them but they didn't survive) when you are the first to come out you have a great chance to come out on top because you have a jump on the other guys. And that is excatly what happened they got a jump on Microsoft and Nintendo and that gave them a bigger installed base then the other guys. Game developers then started making more games for it becauase with more people with the system means that there are more people to buy games. I think this has gotten to the heads of the Sony brass so this upcoming generation they thought they could do things anyway they wanted. First they started talking about how powerful the system was going to be (they did the same thing with the PS2) then when Microsoft announced the Xbox 360 they said, "Hey you may want to wait we will release our system next spring." To me it always sounded like a ploy to get people to not buy an Xbox 360. They didn't really say anything else about the PS3 until later in 2005 when they said they were not releasing it in the Spring. At this years E3 (the last great E3) they had to show some real games and the controller. Last years E3 all they should was a bunch of videos that they said were game footage. So would this years games prove them right or show that Sony was up to it's old tricks.....again just an old Sony trick. Their conference lacked excitment and it seemed (at least to me) that they were just a little to cocky with their approach to their competetiors. Microsoft and Nintendo on the other hand showed what their systems could do and they left the Expo with more people willing to spend their hard earned bucks on their system and games. Sony, on the other hand, looked like fools (Riiiiiiiiiidddge Raaaacer!) they looked as though they were theives (with their controller having the motion sensor technology that the Nintendo Wii controller had) and they looked as though they were shoving new technology down our throats.

One of the main reasons Sony left the Electronic Entertainment Expo with their head hung low was mainly the price of their system. Yeah they had the technology packed into the system (blue-ray, bluetooth, wifi, HDMI) but what everyone wanted to know was what was the cost of such a system. Sony answered that by saying 499 for the 20 gb version and 599 for the 60 gb version. I thought at first that was a great idea but then I read little more and it turns out that the cheaper version does not have an HDMI port or the ports for flash drive devices or WiFi......so the system that they said was going to be so advanced doesn't have the main things in it that make it what it is! Why try to sell the thing as a technological marvel and then take all the cool stuff out. But then again most of that stuff won't be used by the casual gamer, but what about the HD level gaming they were talking about? Well just found out they are not going to include any cables that will allow you to view games in HD....what! They were talking about 4D gaming and all that crap and now they aren't giving you the stuff that will let you do just that. Damn Sony you are messing up......I only pray that you will stay in the game.

Top Ten Comics of all time

2006-09-04T01:15:00.000-07:00

I have compiled a list of the 10 top comics ever. I will give you my reason for why they are the best. I have also come up with the top 5 most over rated and 5 most under rated comics ever. If you do not know any of these guys then you can check them out now because these guys basically shaped a lot of what you hear today. Now this is not a list with a bunch of snobby elite comics choosing who is on the list and who is not. It is just a list of comics I love to hear over and over. I hope you enjoy.

10. Eddie Murphy- Eddie is basically the guy the took what Richard Pryor was doing and made it bigger and for some reason more accessible to a wider audience. Eddie is best known (other than playing in crappy films) for his impersonations and story telling. The reason why he is as low as he is basically because he stopped doing stand up to pursue other venues (money) but he deserves to be on this list.

9. Redd Foxx- If you haven't heard of Redd Foxx other than his portrayal of a garbage collector on Sandford and Sons then you are missing one of the best story telling comics ever. I classify him as a story telling comic because his delivery is classic. Basically the style a lot of people call the street joke was mastered by Mr. Foxx.

8. Jerry Seinfield- His thing was the observation humor and if I was doing a list on that style of comedy he would be #1. He knows how to take the things we look at everyday and make you think about it in a funny (or funnier way). Oh and he has one of the greatest shows ever put on television.

7. Andy Kaufman- He died to early, but what he left us with is more than many a comic could muster up in two lifetimes. He was so off beat that many people didn't even find him funny, but if you looked closely you could see the genius at work. He did things back in those days that a lot of people still find weird and kinda of creepy but that what makes him one of the best.

6. Dave Chappelle- His comedy is mostly racial based but it is better done then a lot of other people that are doing the same thing. If you don't believe how funny he really is than check out the show either it will offend you to the core or have you laughing your ass off.

5. Chris Rock- If it were not for the number 10 guy on our list his career may have not been as well known but Chris Rock is one of those comics that is smart and can get his point across in such a funny way that you can understand it.

4. Bill Cosby- He is the master of clean. If you spend 20 minutes listening to his act you will see why he is so high on my list. He has a lot of story driven stuff but it is in such a way that you feel almost a part of the story. He broke a lot of ground in comedy for blacks so he has to be on this list.

3. George Carlin- His act has become preachy over the last couple of years but that can not stop him from being so high on my list. He has one of the widest known bits ever with the 7 words you can't say on TV bit and lets face it he brings what he says in such a way that is both smart and funny and I love the weird way his act goes along.

2. Lenny Bruce- He is number 2 for a number of reasons. First he lead the charge for free speech. Yes it has been in the constitution for hundreds of years before he came along but their was decency laws about that took the first amendment and threw it out of the window. He was not always controversial, at first he did the normal kind of act that a lot of people would do back in those days but he did not feel like it was really him so he started doing on stage what he wanted to do and that is how he is remembered. But it is sad to remember Lenny as a foul mouth comic that lead the way for Clay and others like him. As where Adrew Dice Clay was just filthy Lenny was brilliant in delivery and expression that many people could not see or could not stand. He was arrested many times for the things he said on stage and that ultimately cut his life short but if you think about it he is one of the greatest comics the ever step on stage.

1. Richard Pryor- Now if you don't understand why Mr. Pryor is on my list I will explain it as best I can. In the beginning of his career a lot of people called him the next Bill Cosby. He had a style like that in the beginning that was funny but not originally him. He later stepped out of that shadow to be ahead of even Mr. Cosby. He blends a myriad of styles into an act that was extremely refreshing and controversial for it's time. He spoke from the heart about the things that plagued his life unlike any before him. When you saw a Richard Pryor act you saw him and you heard his thoughts as best as he could express it. He was not a saint but he never claimed to be. His act was filled with the things that people think about all the time but never wanted said in public. His story telling style is better than almost anyone else's on this list because he had a nack for doing voices and getting you into the story he was telling. His comedy was chaotic at times with his Willy the Wino routine but it always came together in a way I have never seen done before. That is the reason he is my number one comic of all time.

Top 5 most underrated comics (no order)

Ellen Degeneras
Bernie Mac
Dave Attell
Jim Gaffigan
Louis C.K

Top 5 overrated comics

Carlos Mencia
George Lopez
D.L. Hughley
Dennis Leary
Andrew Dice Clay

Rent money

2006-08-31T17:22:00.000-07:00

The feeling you get when you can't make the rent is something I would not wish upon my worst enemy (I would wish it on my ex-wife though). Even more worst, is the feeling when you know you are not pulling your weight. This will be month number 2 that I have not paid any rent and it is just bothering me so much. I am looking for work and my methods are either not enough or the wrong method all together. When school get going though I will have money then to pitch in so that will be a good thing. I am also planning on doing work study at the VA (Veteran Affairs) so I can get some more money to pay child support. I hate that term child support because it makes me feel like a bad parent every time I hear it.

I hate the term "console wars" when they are describing the next batch of video game systems to come out. I think the term "War for the money in your wallet" is more of a fair description. If you are a video game fan then you, like me, are watching this very carefully from the sidelines before you step out and buy one of the three consoles. I really the Xbox 360. So much so in fact that I am so ready to pawn my laptop to get the money to get one. I doubt though that they will give me enough to cover the cost of obtaining one so I am still trying to see if they will give me the $500 I need to get my console gaming on. The problem is that I have already told M that she could have the laptop because I want to get a Macbook as my next laptop. She always tells me to wait and the thing is that I have waited.....I wanted one since the day they came out and this seems like the only chance for me to get one. I could pawn the laptop and buy it back in the following week with my GI bill money but I know M will be pissed and I hate the tension that causes in the house.

My desktop is making a lot of damn noise and I have no clue what it is. I ran a hard disk drive checker to see if my hard drive was failing and that isn't the problem so I am thinking that maybe it is to much dust inside but I am to lazy to go in there and clean it all.

My Nintendo DS is just sitting here atop one of my computer speakers looking at me as if to say, "Why don't you play with me anymore?" "Are you planning to get rid of me?" And like everything I do I have no clue if I even still want the damn thing or not. There are some really cool games coming out this fall for it so I am holding out for that but other than that I could sell it right now and not really care. If I could get my hands on That Castlevania game though my thoughts will change.

Comedy is about to come back into full swing and I am awaiting calls from the people I worked with before. Now that I am in good standing with a couple more promoters I am looking to see a nice increase in the work I am doing. I want to do shows in Seattle but I have no connections over there right now. That would be sweet though to be able to do shows over there because that would mean I would not have to drive as far and I could get more exposure by doing shows in a big city. The thing about comedy is that if you can get out of the one nighters for a little bit to do shows in some of the clubs you will be able to get enough exposure and connections to do bigger and better things. Because let's face it there is NO chance of you getting discovered in Butte Montana.

The will to go on

2006-08-29T02:19:00.000-07:00

Before I was diagnosed with depression, I just thought I was a person that will never really be happy. Even when I had all the little gadgets and stuff I wanted I still felt empty. I even went the religion route, but that never really made me feel like I could actually be "normal". I was just sitting around today thinking what will it take to make me feel that warm happy feeling inside. I don't want to bother M with it because I don't think she could truly understand the situation. She is a concrete thinker. Things are either right there or they are not. She will try to find a tangible reason for the way I feel and try to fix it. I tell her not to bother, that I will help myself but I can tell she wants desperately to do something for me. She once told me I was addicted to shopping. I can see what she was talking about. I think the root of why I like to buy things is that it keeps my mind off of things for a while. I think that maybe a reason I like gadgets so much, they give you something to do and learn and that makes me happy. The thing is you can just go out there and buy stuff whenever you feel bad (well I can't anyway). So the big thing is I have to find something to keep my mind busy and then that way I will not feel so bad. I really feel bad for M though because I know she loves me and that she wants to see me happy. How do you tell someone you love so much that there is nothing they can do and they basically have to wait and see if you come around yourself, you get heavily medicated, or you kill yourself. All I know is that I have to get better not just for myself but for M and Faith.

Madden and checks

2006-08-24T21:12:00.000-07:00

I really want to play Madden on something other than a 4 year old computer, but any Madden is better than no Madden. I have gone through 3 controllers before getting the Xbox 360 controller. The official one can also double as a PC controller. The weird thing is that the one without the installation cd is cheaper than the official Xbox 360 controller for windows. Did they really spend 5 bucks on each controller to out the drivers on a cd. I am still trying to get use to the controller and the way this years Madden has changed. I still have to get use to the passing game and making better reads. I also have to get use to playing the game on a smaller screen.

Still waiting on info from Veteran Affairs and it is really starting to piss me off. Why is it taking so damn long for them to try and screw me out of some money. That is all they are doing, making me wait so that they can say, "We are sorry Mr. Riley, your case has been denied." I will appeal though, hell I have waited this long I might as well keep on trying to get something out of them. It would suck for them to say you were sick enough to get discharged from the military, but you are not sick enough to get a dime from us.

Silverwood

2006-08-24T00:55:00.000-07:00

The lady and I spend the day Tuesday (yes Madden day) playing at the northwest wonder I like to call Silverwood. We went on rides ate stuff and had the best time we have ever had together with our clothes on. I love spending time with her...Even when she is a pain in the ass. We went on this one ride called Panic plunge and it is basically a ride that pulls you high into the air just so it can drop you. While sitting there in the line it didn't seem like a bad idea. Then as I was buckled into this contraption I started thinking about my life. Was it a good one? Did I accomplish everything I want in such short time? Do I have on clean underwear (I didn't have on any)? These were the thoughts flying through my head as we climbed higher and higher above the rest of the crowd. You could see from way up there people looking up at you questioning your sanity. And then....!!!You drop and everything in your body is free from the forces of gravity. Even the juices of your eyeball slowly orbit your skull as this earthbound ship mimics death. And then it slows and gravity grabs your insides before they are displayed for all to see. As you slowly settle to the ground your brain comes back on and that little voice in your head says, "NEVER AGAIN!"

I bought Madden 2007 for the PC and have been stumbling out of the gate since. First was the controller issue. I wanted a good controller but had no money so I decided to use the one I had laying around. None to surprising for me though the buttons were mapped differently so I had a hard time playing with it. I then went to the local game shop to get an Xbox 360 controller because I read that they were compatible with the PC version of the game. Not having the money to buy an official one I went and got an off brand make. After many failed attempts to get it to work I took it back and got the Logitech Dual Action controller. It does not have the rumble feature built into the controller but for only 20 bucks I can not complain. I have updated the driver for the controller and it is working really good now. The graphics of the PC version are from the dated current gen version of the game and that is quite sad. The PC market is getting screwed by Electronic Arts in a big way by not paying any real attention to the PC version of the game. The PC version; however is still better looking than the PS2 version for the simple fact that I am playing it on a screen with a higher resolution. I have played an exhibition and I like the controls of the game again this year. If you plan on playing other in this game then you will need to spend time getting to know all the things you can do to your players. No need in not knowing the controls and suffering from ass kicking to ass kicking.

I received a call from Child Support but they didn't say what they were calling about. I assumed that they would know that I was not employed so I had no way of paying child support. I texted my ex (mistake number 1) asking if she knew. She responded, 4 U 2 support your child what a concept! This mad me furious mainly because I am a dumbass that will let her get to me but I also know that I am not supporting my baby. I then text back that I probably could support her if I was given everything like her mom did to her. She then called me a freeloader. Information I know she got from a mutual friend I talked to one day while browsing through the local Wal-Mart. That made me really mad because I in no way shape or form freeload. I sometimes feel like that when my woman has to buy things for me though. I responded by calling her a meth head with a superiority complex. The thing about it is I meant every single word I typed and she just wanted to see how pissed she could get me. I love my kid, that is the main reason I want to go to school. What better way to make sure my kid has a better life then to go to school, get a better job, and give her the things I never had. But at the same time the child support system is so corrupt that it is less of a way to support kids but a way to punish a man for having a kid. Now a large number of guys just leave their kids, but what about the guys that get their kids taken from them. What about the poor guy that fell in love with the wrong woman and now he has to give up as much as 50% of his earnings to a woman that may or may not use that money to support the child. They punish you for not paying but nothing happens to the woman that uses that money like a free check. You sit and bust your ass all week just so you can go over to your child's mother's house in your beat up piece of shit so you can see her in her nice apartment fully equipped with a brand new car in the front yard. And this will go on until either you find out through a DNA test that the kid isn't yours (in which case you have a 20% chance of seeing a nickel of that money again) or until the kid turns 18. And what do you get for all that money? A kid that thinks you don't love them and that you can possibly be a good person because look at you, you live in a rundown apartment eating Raman noodles and stealing people aluminum cans so you can get gas money. So I figure if I am going to get fucked I might as well get a job where I am not sitting there thinking about it all the time. I'd rather have a job I love that way when I get fucked at least I can say with confidence, "Well, at least I am not shoveling horse shit!"

Why I love Madden

2006-08-21T16:42:00.000-07:00

This could be answered simply by saying, "I am a man." But I feel like I have to delve deeper into the question at hand to help you understand the phenomenon that is Madden football. I have never really cared to much for Madden the commentator. He doesn't really add a lot to the game of football with the things he says from the booth but he is color commentary he doesn't have to. Madden football however is more of a lifestyle than a video game. I can remember spending my youth beating the hell out of my opponent. Spending clear sunny Saturday evenings inside when I should have been out playing kickball. Ah! The memories of a mispent youth!

To some Madden is just Electronic Arts cash cow. To me and millions of other gamers it is damn near a religion. The best part about the game is that it brings people together....To curse at each other and cry because you picked the Atlanta Falcons. I have played this game since the first on the Genesis. I can tell you the main changes of each game. From the disaster that was Madden 96 to the joy of seeing lifelike polygons finally in 2001 for the PS2. Sure other football games have come and gone, but Madden (now that they hold the rights to make NFL games) for some reason always got love from me. I can remember the first time Madden started the franchise mode and how much time I put into the game. I would basically go to sleep thinking about it. So when your husband or boyfriend is sitting their in the den or on the couch playing Madden don't think of him as a lazy video game addict asshole. But a lazy video game addicted asshole that loves some Madden!

The things you've lost

2006-08-20T13:51:00.000-07:00

I was laying in bed this morning messing with my girl when she said something to me that made me think. For some reason she said, mocking me, "I use to have this and I use to have that BLAH BLAH BLAH!" "Get over it!" She said it like she was tired of hearing the stories of others. I just laid up in the bed and went to get some water thinking about the statement she just said. Can she really know how I feel? We were not talking about anything at the moment to bring it up we were just messing around in the bed. Why would she say that? Does she mean it? Should I take it with a grain of salt? These are all questions that popped in my head at the time and I have yet to find an answer. For some people it is easy to move on from the things you have lost because that can see hope just a few feet away. Others are not so lucky. I really wish I could move on but when you do not see the light at the end of the tunnel then it is hard to grasp onto the fact that things will get better. Things will never be the same, but you do hope you will one day not have to think about the past because sometimes it make the present hurt even more.

Madden is a little over a day out and this is usually the time when you see a lot of the sports game fans preparing to dig deep into Madden and seeing if they can finally beat that one friend they have that they never could before. My friends name is Charles and he is a devil when it comes to Madden. Well, he is less my friend then my brother, but he is DAMN good when it comes to Madden. Some people know how to rap some know how to dribble a basketball and Charles' gift is the fact that he can beat you with nearly any team. Now that the internet is in everyone's home he read up and learns even more. That is like giving a book called "Nuclear weapons for dummies" to North Korea. Every year I tried to learn new things to beat him but he always had my number. I think our lifetime record is like 30-2. . . . . That is just sad! He can play defense offense special teams it is crazy and the whole time you are sitting their thinking to yourself if you can keep him from scoring 60 on you then that is a victory all on itself.

The past can hurt

2006-08-18T18:36:00.000-07:00

I find myself often thinking about the past and how it has shaped me as a person. I think of the time I spent in South Carolina and how I learned that no matter what I have to be strong. But I often spend more time thinking about the past 4 years than any other time span in my life. I think these past 4 years shaped my life so much that it made me a shell of what I use to be, but at the same time stronger because of it. About 4 years ago I got married and thought that life couldn't get any better....I was wrong a year and a half later we had a beautiful little girl. Then before she turned 2 it all when to shit. She left me took my little girl and my belief that someone from where I came could never really be happy, I call it the Pou Street curse. I think about the time I spent and the choices I made and still make to this day. I know I am suppose to be a man about this and move one but there is something that keeps me from doing so and that is, I believe because I was so happy then. I didn't have the best of everything, but I had everything I use to pray all night for and I was truly happy.

When you are down on your luck you will spend a lot of time thinking about the times when you could do the things you loved without feeling horrible on the inside. Fishing, playing video games just taking a drive use to be all I needed to make the pain go away because I had a great thing going on at the moment. Now my wife's cheating and leaving me was not the one thing that turned my life upside down it was also the fact that they claimed I had mental problems (depression, not run after small kids mental) and the fact that my military career was falling through the crack of my shattered life didn't make it any more pleasent. The things I use to do was no fun anymore so I hunted for that pleasure I was getting so much of in the past. I have yet to find it, but I am still looking hoping that I will one day be able to no longer need the past to help me get on through the day.

I know those past two paragraphs were down right sad, but don't worry typing line after line about video games and popular culture is what I am here to do! This upcoming week will see a first for me, I will be buying the newest Madden game for the PC instead of a console. For purist of the game, we love to get it for the controller scheme we are most use to handling. I like the PS2's layout. Back in the day it was the Sega Genesis. There are going to be good and bad when playing this game on the PC. One of the good things is that I will be able to pick a controller that is best suited for me. Or I can forgo the controller all together and just play with the keyboard and mouse (I know blashemy!). Another good thing is that it will be 10 bucks cheaper and that means I can get my normal snacks after I leave bestbuy. The bad is that I have an old setup (at least by computer standards) which means it may not look as good as the PS2 version and no where near as good as the XBOX 360 version. Another problem is that it will take time getting use to the controller I have for a football game.

Living Life

2006-08-16T20:02:00.000-07:00

These past couple of years have not been nice to me. I have suffered a lot of loss and a lot of tough times. Then I look at the road I have traveled and realized that I have been giving the gift to do a lot of things that would make my life easier. Why do I not do it? I have no clue! I mean I do them until I see they have gotten to hard or something but I never really try to work through anything. I have book ideas and I can be following a promising comedic career but I just go until I feel resistance and then I give up to find something else to do and you can not blame that on anything but yourself. I don't know if I just lack the drive to go on or if I am just lazy but it always happens. I never really finish anything. Video games, books you name it I rarely finish it. They tell me that depression may cause me to do these things, but no one is going to care if you have talent to do things and you don't do them because you were depressed.

My desktop has been plagued with adware and viruses all damn day and I have finally gotten ahold of my system. This was all because I downloaded a program from Limewire. Know I realize that I am an idiot. There is a cost for wanting free shit and I am not willing to pay the price of having some nerd locked in his aunt's basement loaded files with dangerous crap that will make my computer a big ass expensive paperweight. I rather buy whatever it is that I am looking for then attempt to dip my hand in the muck that is P2P network sharing.

I am really looking forward to Madden 2007 to come out but I don't have a console to play it on (the Nintendo DS does not count). So that means I will be buying it, for the first time, on the PC. I am not a fan of computer sports games because let's face it I rather watch things like that on my nice HD television, but I have played every single Madden game to ever come out so I need to play this game just to keep such an amazing streak going. There is a tournament at the local game store and I plan to play and that is about it. I know a little about football and stuff but it is going to be wild with everyone playing with the Falcons because of Micheal Vick's blazing speed. I am thinking about Seattle because they have almost everything you want. They have a good defense great offense and they have a good runningback. You would think a team like that would get you far in a Madden tournament but it won't. There are several types of Madden players and I have encountered them all I will try to explain the different types.

-The chunker: This is an offensive minded player to the max. They will not hesitate to use the Hail Mary 90% of the time. They do not know how to play Madden at all and they basically rely on deep passes. To counter this is easy. The use of the zone Defense will make it a lot easier to pick off the bombs that this "player" is dropping. Also zone blitzes will work because they are looking up the field a lot not at the QB.

-The subber: This is the person that knows enough about madden to know that speed kills. He will sub RBs in the WR slot and all other weird crap. You just have to play conservative against a person like this because most of the time they like to pass. If you stick with the cover 2 you could get burned so what I like to do is blitz with safties or corners. They will not be paying attention to the fact that a Safety is baring down on them.

-The blitzer: This player is defensive minded but only really knows one type of play....the blitz and he will use it a lot. This type of player will usually try to blitz so many people that you will not that time to figure out what is going on. They also like to bring a bunch of people to the line. So how do you play against one of these people. You figure out what blitz package they like to do the most and you pick a play to exploit that. If they like to blitz LBs make sure you throw short or medium passes to the slots ot TE. If they are silly enough to blitz corners on every play then you just select the streak hot route and lauch it.

-The real deal: This is an actual player of Madden football. These are the guys that know the playbook of the team they are playing with front and back. They know how the cover 2 works they know what stunting means they, my friends are scary. How do you play against someone like this. You can't really, you have to come up with a game plan to attack the team they are playing with. You can't start leaving your gameplan when he is up by 14. A good way to get them out of their game is to play really conservative. You will want to kick on 4th down (like you are suppose to). Stay away from the bombs and try to use running plays on second down so you send him a message that you know how to play also. If you don't know how to play then just take your ass kicking like a man and pass the controller.

No car no comedy

2006-08-13T13:51:00.000-07:00

My car broke down like 3 weeks ago and I have yet to even begun trying to get it fixed. I will need it because I will have to drive to school everyday and don't want to be bothered with M's boat. Another thing not having my own car prevents is me trying to get more gigs in the state. I could send clubs in seattle stuff but if they said yeah how would I get there? So I am in this state of limbo where I can't do one thing without doing the other. I will need my car fixed before getting gigs but I need the gigs because I don't have the money. I know what is wrong with it the big problem is getting the parts and getting someone to come fix the damn thing for me. I was told by M's brother-in-law that it would cost like $300 and I can't afford that with the money I have in my pocket right now (37.76).

I want to do podcast but I don't know what to talk about and what program to use to make the best podcast I can. I would mainly do what I do right now I would just be saying it instead of typing. I want to focus on the same things I focus on in the blog but that is the problem I am all over the place I am like a kid that can't sit still. Hopefully I will find something that will work.

School and the MVP

2006-08-12T22:06:00.000-07:00

So it is official. I am now a student of Eastern Washington university. I am really excited mainly because I have spent the past 7 months doing nothing. I am taking Math 103 (I think) and African American Studies. I figure hell I should get a B just for showing up. I am going to be taking a fitness type class where I go to the gym work out and get credit. I wanted only 3 classes because I want to get back into the swing of things as far as studying. Also while walking around the campus I ran into none other than the 2005 NFL MVP Shawn Alexander. I was smitten to say the least! Then I realized I am no better at meeting celebrities than anyone else. I walk by him say hey and then I start geeking out like "Oh my goodness!" "That is the NFL's MVP!!" Now when I think about it I feel like an idiot but I think M would have acted the same way if she knew who it was.

M seems happy that I am going to school mainly because it lets her family know that I am at least trying to do something with my self. She wants to come back to school and I won't stop her, because the bigger the degree the bigger the check.

If you haven't read a newspaper, there was a big bust over in England this past week uncovering a plot to blow up airliners coming to America. Am I the only one that gets chills up there spine every time he hears about these plots? I mean I hate my ex but I have never thought about blowing her up. You have to have a TON of hate in you to kill innocent people. No matter how you feel about the current state of affairs you have to agree that the killing of people that have nothing to do with these things is wasteful and silly. Save your energy for something better like betting Mario without using the mushrooms.

I placed my blog on a service called blogwise (www.blogwise.com) so that I can attract more people to my blog. But when I think about it do I really want people reading my blog? I say some crazy shit sometimes and I don't want the wrong people to stumble across the site.....Oh well fuck em! I want people to see that there are a ton of geeky people out there of all different colors and shoe sizes. I also want people to see that there are people out there with the same problems as them and maybe they can see a way to work through it.....Oh, who am I kidding I mainly talk about boobies.

Cable and the lady

2006-08-08T23:32:00.000-07:00

I love cable TV. I also love cable internet. The two should give me an extended hard on. Unless you have a girlfriend that loves anything with skinny white women and spanish in it. She is really into it. I can see her eyes glazing over the longer she stares into the television. She is a big Sex in the City fan and I do not know why. She is Mexican and she has never been in any of the situations depicted in the television show. Is she really trying to say that secretly she wants to be a skinny white woman? I won't deny her the dream if that is her's. She has a lot of work ahead of her though.

I really want NFL Head Coach for the PC but I just can not get myself to pay money for such a weird little game. I was interested in the game until I saw the reviews and found out the game wasn't what I thought it would be but I still have a tinkering to play it. I really want to play it but when I get in the store my nerves won't let me do it. M thinks it's a waste of money.

The sweet taste of cable

2006-08-07T21:43:00.000-07:00

I have returned to the land of cable and it feels great!! I love the ability to learn useless trivia by watching the history channel. Knowing that Hitler had a poodle won't save me from and alligator, but it will make me look smart at cocktail parties.

Nintendo is the first big company to get in line for the "new" E-3 and the ESA is jumping up and down at this point after screwing up every geeks wet dream of going to E3 and getting thrown out for feeling up the booth babes. The big N is really on a roll right now and they really need to ride this bad boy all the way to this holiday season which will be (if everything goes well) one of the biggest for the video game industry. What remains to be seen is will the PS3 be anything the $600 dollar price tag suggest. One little hiccup for Sony is requiring people to buy an adapter to use older memory cards. They have all these holes on this damn thing to stick things in but memory card slots! I am really hopeful that I will be able to pick up at least the Xbox 360 which have a couple of must have games that I have been wanting to play and with the new superstar mode in Madden 2007 looking really nice I am getting excited about video games again.

E3 is no more

2006-08-02T22:24:00.000-07:00

After only 12 years E3 as we know and love it is over. So how did it come about? It is easy to figure that out MONEY. More and more video game companies are trying to streamline their businesses just like the movie indusrty so that they can make more money on games that take longer to get made. Nowadays a games takes years to produce so that means less games that are getting made which means more of a need to make sure that game makes money. So how does that relate to E3? Well these video game companies spend big money just to show off their games to an audience that may or may not even buy it. You can't really measure the amount of money you are going to make from shows like this. And with more and more people following video games you don't need such a big show. So they are doing something a little smaller going from 60,000 to 5,00 attendees. That is a big drop! So, how will we get our yearly dose of video game info? Hell, I don't know! All I know is that if they were actually charging people to come to the event it would not be shrinking but rather growing.

As a fan of video games, this is really bad news. I have always wanted to go to this event, just to enjoy the drama that is video games biggest stage. My only way to get in now is to become majority owner of a big video game company and since I only have 2 bucks in my pocket I think that is highly unlikely.

200th post baby!!

2006-08-01T13:14:00.000-07:00

This is my 200th post on Riley's Spot and though it has seen good and bad post let's hope that the 200th post is one of the good. I started this blog almost 2 years ago because I like to write, and I like to have people look at what I write. And since I don't have a job a a newspaper or magazine I had to settle for doing it for free. I like to write with a more comical tilt because I am a comic. This world is always so serious that it needs weird people in it to make the "normal" ones feel like they are alright after all. I talk about all of the big subject and I do not leave until I have said my piece....which usually involves a midget. I am glad for the tens of readers that read my blog so let's just get back to what I do best.

Mel Gibson was arrested for a DUI and the police report tells of his tirade against all this Jew. He is now spending his time trying to convince people that he is not a bigot. This coming from a guy whoes dad said that the Holocoust is fiction. The same dude who mad a movie which basically said to everyone "Hey look! The Jews killed Jesus!" He says all of that hateful speech came from the alcohol in his body. I have to call BULLSHIT on that. I have seen many people get drunk and they mostly puke, hug and sleep with strangers. I have never seen a regular none Jew hating person get drunk and then start spewing out hate toward a whole group of people. He cn blame it on the wine but I say he is a racist. But saying that I will not go out and say that his movies should be boycotted......Unless the movie is entitled "Stinking Christ killing Jews!" then it should probably be boycotted.

If you are looking for something to play in your shiny new Nintendo DS lite or Xbox 360 then worry not because during the next couple of months the games will start pouring out. See unlike other forms of entertainment video games makers know when they have a better chance of selling product and when that product will sit on store shelves. Like comedy, they think that during the summer months people want to go outside and enjoy nature. That is a load of BS! Nerds don't like the wilderness with it's green leafs and furry animals, we want video games and lots of them. So why do they ship tons of games out during the last 3 months of the year and then ignore all the other months? It's about money, plain and simple. See they know who holds all teh credit cards and who buys most of the games.....Adults. Nevermind the fact that most game players are in their 20's they want to be able to shove games down the throat of every parent with a brat. If your kid has been saying for the past 3 months that they want the new monkey fighter game, you will hold off until you around the christmas time period so you can buy him the crap load of games that he will then trade in a couple of weeks. But there is a bad side to doing this. When they slip and slide all of the hot releases until the winter time they load the shelves with games that will not all sell like hot cakes. There are a ton of games out there that are great but sell poorly because of the time frame the game was released. Prince of Persia is one game that pops into my mind. This was a great game, with lots of combat and the puzzles actually made you think. But when the dust had cleared they did not sell like they wanted too. So, I plead with game makers all across the world. Please release games during the summer, I am not going outside and I need something to do.

College bound

2006-07-28T14:20:00.000-07:00

I have finally gotten all my stuff together and now I am getting ready to go to school at Eastern Washington University. I am really excited about the prospect of getting a college education. I know it will be hard but if I just focus I can make it. All I have to do now though is get my transcript from the military to the admissions office. I already have 15 credit hours toward a degree in Computer Science so I might as well use that.

Comedy nowadays is really slow moving. I have been trying to get back to some of the local clubs but that isn't working like I want it to. I mainly want to go up so I can use that money to get an Xbox 360 and not have to worry about M bothering me.

My car is messed up ( should have known that was coming.). All I know is that the damn thing started smoking. I was able to drive it back to the house so it is now sitting there waiting to get fixed...or traded in for an Xbox 360.

New home new chapter

2006-07-22T13:15:00.000-07:00

I have finally gotten into my new home and it is lovely. It is in a nice neighborhood and I now have a back yard. I like living with M because she is really good to me and she likes to pay bills on time so that is always a plus. I really need a job or some steady gigs but this is the wrong time of year to be looking for comedy work. I am still trying to get into school which is a drag because they keep wanting stuff. Still awaiting the decision from the VA on wether or not I will get any money from them. I hope I do no because I really need it (I do) but because I want an Xbox 360 and since I don't have a job I will need that cash windfall to get me back on my feet.

How is it going?

2006-07-14T16:26:00.000-07:00

I am going to be restructuing my blog so that it comes in two forms. For those that keep track of this blog for personal reasons I will be doing blogs on my personal life on Mondays, Wendsdays, and Fridays. And for Tuesday and Thursday I will be talking about gadgets and video games and the like. If you like the way I write I promise you it will get better as I begin to focus more on writting.

I am going to begin writting my first book. I don't want to give out details just yet, but I will say it will not be about midgets or monkeys. It will have a serious tone and hopefully I will be done with in before summer of next year. Why am I giving myself such a huge cushion? Because if I get into school I want to be able to actually get study time in as well as finish my book. There will be a lot of obstacles (like with everything else) that I will have to deal with, but I am pretty certain this will be a great book. One of the biggest things to worry about is actually getting your ideas to paper. The next is when you are done to get someone to publish the book and to try to make money from the book. If you are thinking self publishing that is not really a good idea if you are a unknown. You can make your name sure, but I know of a guy that went that route and he sold a total of 50 books.....I want to do bigger numbers.

Getting all my stuff packed will be another hassle. I have to get all of my stuff together in about 2 days and get them over to my new residence. I want cable really bad, but my woman is the only one working so I am not going to push the issue. If I were working though you can beat you sweet ass I would be getting cable. I really hope my projects work out well so I can make enough to actually do some nice things for M. She puts up with so much of my BS I am suprised she has not killed me yet. I want to get her a better car (which means any car). I want to take her places (woman never like to just be where they are they always want to go places). Hopefully if everything works out I will have one happy misses at home.

The next generation of fun?

2006-07-10T16:00:00.000-07:00

I have been playing games for more than half my life and I tell you right now is the best time to be a gamer. Sure when I was back in school I had more time to play but hey I didn't have any money to buy any games (don't have any money now but a brother can dream). Every genre is going to be changed, hopefully for the better, because of the next generation of gaming. If you ask me, the most improved category of gaming will be the sports title. Every hardcore sport video game player knows the feeling of see the same crappy animations and graphics year in and year out. But that is over! Just look at games like NCAA 07 for the Xbox 360. The crowd will be in full 3-D this year but the improvements do not stop there. They have gone out of their way to bring 70 stadiums to life by taking blueprints of the staduims and building them to scale in game! So when you go to the play Florida State you are going to the swamp and when you go to play the Blue Devils you can smell the sexual assualt in the air!

But that is not all! Improved graphics are not going to make you shell out 50 bucks for a new sports game. With the added horsepower of these new systems you will have weather effects realistic player models and even more lines of spoken dialogue between the commentators. So you will not have to hear the same damn thing over and over again.

If you think Sports games are going to change then you are mistaken. Driving games with better car models and realistic damage. Adventure games with less pause times and so much more. But what is the downside to all of this new tech? Fun! Games are supposed to be fun. Who cares how good a game looks if it is boring as hell to play. And that is where the developers come in. Then need to worry more about getting the most fun out of the systems then graphics. But it is not all there faults. We need to stop letting these video game journalists hype games then trash them as soon as they come out. You have to start thinking for yourself in terms of do you want a game that is a load of fun or a game with grphics that make you soil your pants. So have fun I know I will!

Top 5 next generation games

2006-07-10T15:42:00.000-07:00

If you are like me you are wetting your pants in anticipation of the next generation of consoles to come out. The PS3, Xbox 360 and Nintendo Wii will all have a bunch of awesome games for the Christmas holiday but here are 5 that you need to look out for:

1. Red Steel (Wii) - If you follow video games then you should know about this game because (I believe) this game will turn the console first person shooter on it head. With the Wii controller you will control the gun on screen as if you were holding it yourself. So if an enemy is on the right part of the screen then point to the right and the gun will do so. That is the beauty of the motion sensing controller. If you want to be a gansta and hold the gun all cockeyed you can do that also, without worrying about hot spend shells burning your flesh. There will also be sword fights where you us the controller like a sword. If this doesn't bring you back to gaming nothing will.

2. Assassins Creed (PS3)- In this game you play as an member of the first group of assassins (which were of muslim desent). I have been reading up on this game and it is shaping up to be one of those titles the PS3 will need to assure people that their $600 bucks did not go to waste. This will ot be your ordinary sneak around and kill people in the dark games, your character will actually have common sense. Say you jump for a ledge in some games and are not perfectly aligned with the ledge, you don't grip ledge. Well this game has animations that will show him actually moving over and accomplishing the task without your help. Oh, and I also need to say it is a beauty to look at.

3. Call of Duty 3 (almost every damn thing)- If you have played either of the first two games then you know what to expect this time around. This is the best WWII game out there and it will be jammed pack with explosions and the like. If you like to shoot Nazis then you will be lined up to play this game.

4. Halo 3 (Xbox 360)- Yeah it is over a year away but if you have EVER picked up an Xbox controller then you know how good Halo actually is. If you want to see how good the graphics are then just take a look at the teaser trailer that Microsoft had during E3. That is all in game graphics there buddy! Need I say more.

5. Forza Motorsport 2 (Xbox 360)- I can not tell you how much I enjoyed the first Forza game. It was like Gran Turismo but with an extra ounce of fun added in. You could take any one of the over 200 cars they had and fix them up any way you like. You want a car with all those damn stickers on it like the china kids then you can do it in the game. If they keep the fun and add even more cars then this will be a game worth grabbing when you get that shiny new Xbox 360.

Starting anew

2006-07-09T16:23:00.000-07:00

I will be moving out of my apartment in the coming days and moving to an actual house. That is good because it has a washer and dryer so that means I can wear a shirt every damn day if I want to because I will be able to wash the darn thing. I am kinda scared of the whole thing mainly because I don't know how this is going to work out between M and I. I love her and all of that yucky stuff, but she wants things in life that I have no intrest in like kids. I have one, a pretty cool one also, so why should I go out there and tempt fate with another one. Maybe I am only to have one kid, suite me well enough, but that is not really fair to M. She has her life ahead of her and she may want a child. But for some reason I think she ignores these things because she wants to be with me. I don't even see what she sees in me in the first place. I have no job, I am very moody, and I have a huge gap in my mouth. Why would anyone want to have a kid with someone with those qaulities.

I am in that mood right now where I can not really see anything happening in my life that would make it any better. Target isn't going to hire me not after the answers I was giving. I will have to call Subway but they will probably have an excuse also. I feel like giving up but just when I think of those such thoughts something happens that makes me change my mind.

As promised I will have a blog up on the top games coming out in the next couple of months Until then be quiet.

-Riley

What am I up to?

2006-07-06T17:25:00.000-07:00

I have been up to no good as usual. Trying to get myself rich without going to jail is basically a full time job in itself. To bad the pay is lousy. Well, it is official. I am moving in with M. Yep I will be living with a Mexican. Which isn't all that bad because living with a Mexican is a lot like living in Mexico...with out the disentary. She knows how to cook so that is always a good thing. I also know how to cook...or should I say burn things beyond reconition, Either way it will be a good thing to get a lot of these worries off of my back. We will split the bills and it will keep me from sleeping on the side of busy highways, I heard they can be quiet dangerous. It will not be an apartment but a regular house so that means I can stand in the middle of the living room and yell as loud as I want without fear of getting my car keyed (like I would notice it anyway).

I got rid of my PS2 AGAIN! This is like the 3 or 4 time I have done this and I feel the same way everytime I get rid of it, "I will be getting another one in a couple of months." That is basically how console video games are to me right now. I am waiting to get a nice little chunk of money so I can go out and get the next generation of gaming. I am tired of jaggies and weird textures in the backgrounds of games. I am now ready for a 3-D crowd in sports games I am ready for graphics so freaking sweet it will make your penis hard. That is what the next generation has to offer. All I need is to find a person who is willing to buy a kidney and I will be set.

I have my DS lite and it is a lot like having a small baby around. You don't want to sit on it because you don't want to mess it up. I have Tetris DS, Kirby Canvas Curse and Fire Emblem to play and past the time and really do I anything more that that. Kirby Canvas Curse is a game that only the Nintendo DS can do. You use the stylus to guide your pink marshmallow looking friend around, now that may sound really stupid in actuality it is really addictive and fun. Tetris DS is just that Tetris on the DS. They have 6 different game modes from the classic Tetris to some weird shit that Nintendo threw in there to keep you interested until the next Mario came out. It also has WI FI so you can play with other over the internet. But be warned: These people are GOOD! They are not like your little sister playing Tetris with you it is like paid assassins who's sole job it is to make you feel incomplete as a gamer.

I had a job interview at Target and though I think it went really well I made a complete dork out of myself by using comic books as an answer to one of the questions. She has me if there was a time I got into a disaggreement with someone and how did it work out. I told her I had a disagreement with someone over who was the better character Omega Red or Wolverine. If you know nothing about comics you would say wolverine. And I would call you gay. Omega Red had tentecales people! He can use them to walk with if he wants to, he doesn't even need to use his god damned legs!! Wolverine, although really cool, is basically a guy with claws......that is kinda gay. I would not say that to his face though because he would cut me to shreds. So as you see I think I may still be unemployed after all.

-Riley

Eviction

2006-07-01T17:42:00.000-07:00

I was just served papers to get out of my apartment. I have not paid rent for like 3 months because I didn't have a job. I also got a notice from the VA saying that they basically are no where near finished with my claim. M gave me money for today's rent before I got the papers and she wants me to go over there and talk to them about it but I think it will fall on deaf ears. I will probably sell all the stuff in here and buy a tent or something. I really have no clue of what I am going to do. I tried to get work but never did. I blame myself mainly because I think I haven't really harrassed anyone so they can hire me. I just fill out an application and wait for the call. I don't really feel down or anything I just feel like this is something else I have to get over. I will go talk to them and see what I can do but in the mean time.....anyone want a TV?

ups and downs

2006-06-29T17:46:00.000-07:00

I finally got in contact with someone from the VA and they told me the same thing they have been telling me for the past 2 months....that they are processing my claim. Either they have a bunch of old people working there or they are working with some of the slowest computers on the planet. Knowing how these agencies work they are probably still using apple II's. This is what bothers me about the government and all the paperwork that is involved with everything. You have to jump through so many hoops just to get what is rightfully yours that it seems liek they are playing a game with you to see if they can out last you. Well guess what? I'm only 25 and I ain't going now where anytime soon.

I am looking at all the new games that will be coming out and this is really a bad time to have no job. This year will have two of the greatest consoles to ever come out and I am penniless. If you read my last blog then you know I am most excited about the Nintendo Wii and the fact that it won't cost the sale of a nuclear missle to obtain one. I hope though that people are not thrown off by the controller because it is not in the same vein as the usual suspects. They are making a regular controller that looks normal that you will use with their virtual console. The virtual console is basically their way of making even MORE money off of their history....and I see nothing wrong with that. Just as long as they don't charge more than 5 bucks for an almost 20 year old game then I am fine with it. They will have a ton of old Nintendo games and plenty of other games from other old school companies like Sega and Atari. Sega I am excited about Atari no so much.

Sony and the PS3 to me seem like that hot to trot football player in high school that thought it was better than everyone else. Hopefully unlike the football player, let's hope the PS3 doesn't become a alcoholic loser with genital herpes. I have like the playstation since I first got one in 95. I mainly loved it because of the sports games, which Sega usually handled. But since the release of the PS2 I have been constantly disappointed with the way Sony has been handling things. First they promised that the PS2 would be the greatest gaming machine on the planet. The claimed that the emotion engine would be light years ahead of what anyone else was doing. Then they released the thing, causing shortages that they knew full and well they could have fixed. Then when I get my hands on one the only game I played for a while was Madden 2001. Those creepy ass eyes were creepy then but that was great looking graphics back then! Then they promised the harddrive and like an idiot I wanted to get one. TWO years later they release the damned thing and the only thing you could do with it is look at it and curse it for not being something more. So why am I to believe that Sony is going to do any better. They started with the lies again by telling everyone, "Yeah we will be out in Spring of 06 so don't spend your money on a shiny new Xbox 360 just wait for us." Then when he walked off stage he said to his assistant, "Did I really say we were ready for the spring? God I'm a lying asshole." Now that we are in the SUMMER and know for a fact that the PS3 is coming out in the fall (Nov 17th to be clear). I have a hard time believing that they think they have a chance of being the #1 system when the Xbox will have a year head start and second generation games for the system and all likelyhood Nintendo will come out a few week before that with a system that is probably $199.00. They are to cocky and I can't wait to see them 5 years from now saying..."Ah...we fucked up."

The Console Wars

2006-06-28T13:49:00.000-07:00

For those that know me well they know that I love games...well not actually love games, but LOVE games and all that techie shit. So I have done my best to grade the new three systems and give the plus and minuses of why this will survive....THE CONSOLE WARS. Everything I hear some nerd say this it makes me want to throw a small Canadian baby at them. This is not a war. This is just a bunch of comapanies that want our hard earned money...and I am glad to give it to them.

Xbox360-8.5 out of 10

The Xbox 360 has been out for over 6 months and now that they have finally made enough consoles to put on store shelves we should see how well it does. They have the head start so that should give them the advantage over the PS3 and the Nintendo Wii but we all know that a head start doesn't mean anything if you can't deliver the goods and in this case the goods are games and lots of them. If the Xbox can bring out their 3 biggest games this year (Gears of War, Mass Effect and Forza Motorsport 2) right at the holiday season then they can keep Sony and Nintendo at bay.

Best games: Elder scrolls 4, Project Gotham Racing 3, Ghost Recon Advanced Warrior

Pros: Head start
Cons: Lack of innovation

Nintendo Wii- 9 out of 10

I for one was the most suprised at the stuff Nintendo showed at this years E3. The Wii looks to be innovative and at the same time fun and affordable as well. It may not have the fancy technology stuff in it that Microsoft and Sony are bragging about but what it does have is the almighty franchises of Zelda, Metroid and Mario. People are complaining about the graphics and I say to them hey shut the fuck up and play the games! If Nintendo brings to the table what they have been promising then they have a great chance to be the top console this go around. First is the controller, it will have motion sensing technology in it. That means it will sense the movements of the controller so ou can use that on screen. They also have infared build into the controller (what some are calling the wii-mote) so you can point to things on screen (think shooting games and the like) the contoller also has a built in speaker and rumble so this is one cool ass thingamabob. Will normal people be able to get use to this, time will tell but if the console is going to cost less than 250 bucks who cares! Most of us spend tha much on asian hookers....or so I'm told.

Best games (so far) Red Steel, Zelda twilight pricess, Metroid3:corruption

Pros:Cool ass controller, fun looking games
Cons: Graphics, and a really shitty name

PS3-7.5 out of 10

I feel bad for Sony. They were the number 1 electronics manafacturer in the world until a couple of years ago when Samsung to the title and ran with it. How do you give up the number 1 spot in electronics when you make the PS2? Trying to make the PS3. The PS3 has all sorts of shit in it that will make you head fall off your shoulders. First lets talk about the "cell" processor. They are claiming that this thing is super powerful and will take over the world. Well they said the same thing about the PS2 being able to contoller nuclear weapons and I can bearly get mine to play game disks. They have been working on this proccesor with several other companies but it is clear they have the most to gain or lose by making this chip. Sony so far has been promising so much and delivering on so little I don't know what to believe anymore. The controller has motion sensing technology just like the Wii-mote but something tell me it was thrown in there at the last minute, because the only game using it at the moment is Warhawk. They don't just steal from the big N though they have made two configurations of the PS3 for all those that want it. The big daddy version will have wifi abilities, HDMI connection (if you don't know what it is you don't have it) and memory card readers for SD cards and memory stick oh and the 60 gb hard drive. What is the price for all this...$599. Yep for almost 600 bucks you can have a machine with a lot of shit on it or the version for 100 less that has none of the above and only a 20 gb hard drive. The thing that worries me the most is that if you find yourself with a TV with a HDMI on the back you will have to get a new PS3 to use it. At least the Xbox 360 lets you buy all the crap that you didn't get the first time. But the price isn't really that bad if you think of what they have in the PS3...a Blu-Ray drive. Blue Ray is suppose to battle with HD-DVD for the next format of delivering disk. The Blue Ray (at least on paper) sounds like the best format but hey I don't want to pay extra for that shit in my gaming console. Sony is thinking that since the DVD trend didn't really get going until the PS2 came about maybe the same can be true for blue ray. I hope they are right because they are placing a lot more than the top spot on the line this time.

Best games (so far): Assasins Creed, Gran Tourismo HD, Warhawk

Pros: brand name, technology
Cons: Price

So as you can see I have giving high marks to the Nintendo Wii for getting me excited about gaming again. They are realeasing a affordble gaming machine with games that look like they will be fun to play. If I had 1,000 bucks I would get the Xbox 360 and the wii. Then you can get enough games to keep you satified until the next holiday season. The main reason for the PS3 is the controller which I have been playing with for over 10 years. Well come back as the next Rileyspot will talk about the top games...unless I get depressed or some shit like that.

-Riley

Booger and ginger ale

2006-06-26T22:31:00.000-07:00

I really didn't know what to name the topic for today's blog so I just pulled something out of my ass, or more appropriate my nose. I hate waiting for things to come in the mail because it seems as though the mailman is playing a mean game with your mail. When I am never really looking for anything, I get a ton of crap and when I say crap I really wish it was crap smeared in an envelope instead of advertisments to Malboro. Adriane, my ex-wife used my name to get free shit from these people and I am still paying the damn price by having them send me crap. I don't even open the packages because I know there is nothing in it of value to me.

I am waiting to see what the VAs decision is going to be on my case. If they approve it I will get money prorated since 12/05....that will be great! Because with that money I could catch up on my rent and maybe even get a better car for the winter. If they don't then I am pretty much screwed. I have heard cases where they give to people that have had less problems then me so hopefully I can get a little money out of them. If I cannot then I do not know what to do. I will still have to come up with rent and without a job I will be out on the street. At least I will be a bum with some talent.

What's been going on

2006-06-24T17:38:00.000-07:00

Man it has been awhile since I updated my website and my blog so I will get right into what the hell I have been up to. One of the main reasons I haven't been blogging is simple they cut a brothas internet off. I was in the middle of playing Tetris DS online and bam nothing! I got it back on and I already owe them 159.00! I don't know what to make of it but hopefully I will run into some extra cash soon so I can pay them people. My lady graduated a couple of weeks ago and I was so proud of her. She has been busting her ass for 4 years now and she has something to show for it.....well not yet but they will mail it later. She gives me strentgh sometimes to pull through the hard times. She worked herself through college, how many people can say they do that. No loans no grants NOTHING! Me, I am not going to be that silly. I will get Financial aid or anything else they want to throw at my black ass I plan on working this much..

Yep, Riley is going back to school this fall. I need to get this paper and comedy right now is shifty. See, I feel I can tour all over the country and feature for people and make a little money. But when you are starting out you have to have many MANY connections in order to get the gigs and the paper. As much as I want the connections I just can't wait for that to happen anymore, so I will go to school and do comedy on the side. At least that will keep a roof over my head.

I have been waiting for my Veteran Affairs case to be finalized but I haven't heard nothing about it in almost a month. If I get anything they will give me back pay which I really need right now. I want to get the rent paid and pay for my internet. Then I may even treat myself and get an Xbox 360 or something. Then I will get a lawyer to help me figure out my child support stuff. I will admit that signing those papers was one of the dumbest things I have ever done in a long time. I just get weird whenever I am around her and I end up doing stupid shit.

I have been sending out promo packages....well, actually just one but I plan on sending more as soon as I can get some more money to pay for the shipping of the packages. I want to hit up all the comedy clubs in the state and see if I can persuade them to let a brother work. I really need to get rid of my older tape because that did not get me much work. I am a little upset at the fact that one of these local clubs keep giving me the shift. They will let me work one night and then that's it....why not the whole weekend so I can get people in the door? I have no damn clue but they will see that you can not contain all the funny.

-Riley

Another life altering experience

2006-06-12T21:57:00.000-07:00

M and I have decided to move in together. I don't really know but I think she wants me to show some type of feeling. Feeling isn't one of my strong suits, as a matter of fact I would rather not and say I did. M on the other hand like to show you how she feels all the time if possible. Which isn't a bad idea until you make her mad. She is a weird type of mad not loud just violent, not a really good combination if you are going to be living with me. She like to make something out of her days when me on the other hand would rather wait until a better day arrives. She nags I chill. Is that good enough to keep use from chocking the shit out of each other? I guess we will see until then I am hiding all the sharp objects.

Try to get myself into college. This was not something I planned on doing. My plan was to just live peacefully, minding my own business. I would make a perfect hippie, but I hate smoke and my body oder burns my nose. If I had it my way (who doesn't want it their way) I would be traveling the country doing comedy and making actual money off of it. I think this is the main reason M is on my back so much. I truly believe that she thinks this is a lost cause. She tries to show her support but I can tell it is not really there and that she really just wants to be around me. I don't really care about all that. I just wish if that is the way she feels that she would just come out and say it and save both of us a lot of time. I think with hard work I will get to where I want to be....I just have to know where that is.

I sent out another promo package hopefully by this time next week someone will be giving me more work. If not then I know two reasons why. I didn't impress them with the picture of my naked buttock and my dvd doesn't show my improvements. In six months I went from nervous guy to wrecking ball. I am not going to fool myself and say it is as good as Chris Rock, but I will say it is better. The hardest thing about this is trying to get your name out there. If you can get known before you hit the stage it is easier. Hardwork is good but getting exposure is just as good sometimes. Usually it works like this: If your name is out there already that means you are pretty good from the start all you have to do is prove it. And that is where the problems begin. In order to prove yourself you have to get the stage time and the jokes and then get someone with enough pull to watch you perform. All it takes is a couple of people with a lot of connections to get you in the door. And that is what I am hoping this package will do. It will be there Thrusday and by Friday I hope they are still cleaning up the urin after all that peeing of the pants they did watching my DVD. And after cleaning up the pee pee they call me and give me some work....after they wash their piss covered hands of course.

Almost time

2006-06-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

I was playing video games today when M walked into the house. She sat down and watched me for a couple of minutes before she said, "I need to talk to you about some things." I paused the game and said, "What is it?" She then told me that she thinks I should not get a Nintendo DS Lite. She said because she was trying to get the rent for the apartment I should not waste my money. That is when I got pissed. I said, "I am not wasting my money, you silly toad." (ok I didn't call her a toad but I had every right to if I wanted to). She then told me to not yell at her and then she left a couple minutes after that.....how productive! What pissed me off wasn't the allegation that I was wasting my money, but the timing of saying what she said. I have informed her many times that I wanted one and that I was trading things in to the local Gamestop to get one and she never said anything. These conversations or monoluges if you will because she never said anything during my showing of vocal love for the Nintendo DS Lite. She waited until the day before mere hours away until I could get my hands on one to tarnish my little happiness.

As you know, I don't have a lot to jump up and down about but when I do have something that is worthy of such expense of energy I go all out. So when I realized I could get my hands on this little gadget I was delighted. So if you thought it was a bad idea why wait until all the wait and patience was about to be over just to say "I don't think you should get one." This makes it sound like you were waiting until supreme delight was about to occur just to ruin it. And this is my main pet peeve about M. For some reason she lives in a land where reality is all she can see. Which is silly because if you knew her I like I do you would see that her life hangs on dreams and hope. She is always there to make sure my mind doesn't have a nice idea to hang on to. I will say something like I hope the VA gives me a nice check. And she will say well you never know what you may get. That should not be said. By me saying "I hope" That already implies that I know about reality but I am suspending it for right now to dream my little dream. I will say I will probably try to get a degree in Nuclear technology and she will proclaim that it is hard. Of course it is hard! Stop throwing obstecles in the way of my little dreams. That is the reason we call them dreams and hopes and wants. This is what you want if there was nothing in your way to get them. You are not suppose to bring reality to this table because reality is not needed. That is how people got to where they are today to dream a dream that was pure not with dashed hopes negativity. You can not acheive all of your potential if you worry about what is in front of you to stop you. That is why I am a stand up comic. Because I knew what was there to stop me but I didn't look at that I stayed on my goal. She is about to get her degree. Not once did I ever say to her. "Well, you might not get a chance to use it." or "You might get shipped back to Mexico" That is the reality of the situation but why bring that to destroy someone's hope of achieving what they want. I would never do that to her because it would make you second guess everything you have done up until that point. If I told her she might still be working where she works now that would begin to creep into her head and start to mess with what she wants to do. Why do that when trying to do things like this is already hard as it is. I know that it is trivial to say compare buying a gadget to getting your degree but it is all the same when in the end happiness is all we should be looking for.

This is a world where every day people's realities creep into their dreams to destroy them so why do that to each other. It is alright to dream about anything because that gives you the drive to go out and get it. If you are always worried about what might stop you from getting the things you want in life you might as well die now because the reality is we all die no matter how many degrees we have or dollars in the bank. She is supposed to be there for me like I am for her. But just because you say you are does not me you actually are. Don't say you support something just to wait awhile when you are pissed and say something completely different. That just drags on your mind making it wonder if you are really with someone who believes in your abilities to do what you say you are going to do. I don't get pissed at her and then say "stop going to school it's a waste of time." because I actually believe in her. I wish she would just do the same for me. Since we don't know what is really at the end for us when we die we have to try to make the time here as pleseant as possible. Maybe my way is different from yours. Maybe you like to be with your family for your little bit of happiness. Mine is playing video games that makes me pathetic, but it also makes me human for wanting a little bit of something to take my mind of the pain and the question that lingers in it.

My penis head hurts

2006-06-09T12:47:00.000-07:00

Just got done doing my show at the BLVD and it was really good. Not a lot of people but it was nice anyway. It suprises me how so many people always complain about nothing going on in Spokane but never come out to shows. You can't please everyone I guess and nor do I am too. M gave me her critic on my set last night saying I talked about sex to much.......I did but it wasn't like I was talking about the actual act all I talked about was vaginas and penises I didn't talk about the two of them meeting or anything like that. She is just one of those people that is a little uncomfortable about certain topics which I understand but I will not change my act for anything or anyone. I will do what I feel will be funny for the crowd I am in front of. If I am in front of a bunch of older people then I will change my act, but I was doing a benefit for Hempfest I will say what I want they are probably high anyway.

Only 48 hours until I get my grubby little mits on a shiny new Nintendo DS Lite. I wanted one since I saw the first pictures of it earlier in the year. I want to either get Tetris DS or New Super Mario Bros. as a game. If I had the money I would get both but I don't.

Well 06/06/06 came and went and we are still here. No babies grew devil wings and flew away. No one burned to a crisp in the park. No 8 foot tall horses with skeleton men on their backs bringing about the end of the world. And that makes me sad. Because if some kid were born with cat eyes that day then at least I would have a reason to believe in a higher power, something that actually gives a fuck about us and our pathetic lives. I really want to believe in a GOD, hell I still pray, but I just can't bring myself to terms with the fact that someone says they have the power to create shit but won't create enough rice to feed some hungry people.

Other than comedy I could really give a fuck about life. I am not one of those people that would play Russian Roulette with a automatic rifle, but I do feel the best of my life has come and gone. Sometimes I wish I were that person on stage all the time. Harry J. Riley doesn't care about what anyone thinks he can deal with any situation. Harry Riley; however is a different story all together. I feel a transformation when I am on stage. I feel invinceable. My shy meager self sits in the back for 20 minutes while the stage act comes out and plays with the crowd. I tell them jokes and stories that they find funny and that feeds him even more. But as soon as I let go the mic the shy version of me comes back and hides in the corner of the club hoping no one approaches me. I have even kept my DVD in my bag so as not to have people come up to me after the show. Life has beaten Harry Riley into the ground. Harry J. Riley is the only thing that keeps me going anymore. Yeah I suffer from depression, but I really try not to tell my friends that. I don't want them to think I am crazy. Charles and Charles are like my only real friends. I know this because I witness it. They care, which makes me care about them. These are my people the only people I trust. Hell, I would trust them with my life savings (.38 cents).

I plan on taking classes during the summer time and start going full time during the fall. They are going to give me $1,034 a month just to go to school how can I pass that up. Hopefully I will then get my VA stuff finished and they will be giving me money which means I will be living like a champ for the next 4 years. Hell, I might get that cadillac I wanted.

I want a monkey but I think you have to have papers for them. So that means I can't just show up to the zoo dressed as that crazy guy from Australia and say I am going to run some test on the little bugger and run off with a mini monkey.

I want a red Panda. Not because he is cute but because of all the ass you can get if you tell a girl at the club you have a red panda at the house.

If you closely at a squrriel they are actually ugly ass animals. They look like they have some form of down syndrome.

I am a fan of titties. I think we should outlaw bras and loose fitting shirts for ladies.

If I don't get my hands on a Nintendo DS Lite I will kidnap a small mexican baby.

If you want to freak your girlfriend out next time you are having sex and you are about to climax, just start talking like a robot. "I am about to come too!"

I plan on doing a bunch of skits around the town of Spokane. Hopefully I don't get arrested. If I do at least I will 3 meals a day. But I don't think the dick in the ass is worth 3 meals a day.

6/606

2006-06-05T13:14:00.000-07:00

This is one reason I hate organized religion. Because it makes people act like retards! People are running around like it is the end of the world and for what because they have preceived the numbers 666 out of the date that will be tomorrow. This is so sad. If this is the case the world has had many times to come to an end like say 100 YEARS AGO!! I don't understand how people can twist weird crap in their heads but then can't understand why two men might want to suck a cock.

Women are actually trying not to have their kids tomorrow because they don't want to kid to be the spawn of satan. Guess what dumb ass bitchs? If that little bastard is the spawn of Satan he can be born on July 24th and he will still come out with a tail and hoofed feet! I don't get this shit! Do they think as soon as the kid comes out he is going to cut his own umbilical cord and yell "Finally! My time has come!" and then run down the hospitial hallway cause mayham and destruction. See this is what happens when you believe that there is a guy that lives deep under the ground and all he thinks about night and day is how to impregnant people. If Satan is so powerful, if he can turn into a damn snake don't you think he has a better plan then waiting 18 years for a kid to finally realize he is suppose to destroy all man-kind. And you know kids they don't listen to their parents no matter how powerful they are so you can imagine Satan trying to convince a kid to destroy the world.

Satan: Hello, you are my son and you are given the dark task of destroying the world and bringing all sould back to hell (insert evil laugh)

Timmy: I don't have to listen to you. You over tanned derformed looking son of a bitch.

Satan: Hey that is no way to talk to your father and the king of darkness!

Timmy: If you were my father then why didn't you ever bring me any present when I were younger?

Satan: Ahhh....

Timmy: And when Greg that big kid from the 4th grade pushed me out of that swing why didn't you help me?

Satan: I gave his mom the clap.....that wasn't good enough for you?

Timmy: You never came to my graduation and you let me get arrested for having pot you are no dad of mine (runs away like a little bitch)

Satan: My oh my....what a whiny little bitch!

So as you see stop worrying and enjoy the crappy movie that will be coming out in the honor of 666!! (insert evil laugh).