Choices

Sometimes in life one has to make a decision that will forever change their lives. I have been at this crossroads many times and I have made what I thought to be the right choice at that moment. I am still alive, so that means I have not made a really bad one yet. I have to decided if I want to stay in school and get this degree (in whatever I decide) or venture out and try my hand at the big stuff. I am scared that if I fail I will be just that normal guy, and I am sick of being that guy. I have been looked over and passed up so much I don't care to think of it anymore. I am also scared of the other side of the coin. What if I am a success and it still doesn't bring any happiness to me? What would I do then?

I am having a hard time trying to figure out what I want to write my argumentative essay about. I have until Monday to figure the damn thing out and I am lost. I am thinking about methadone, but I am not sure.

I am one of those people that will always be awkward around people. I never get what I really want to say right then and there out. I think the shell that I have created for myself over all these years is now my biggest handicap. I think I am a really good comic. I think I can entertain people on the stage as well as with my stories. I just have to grab this thing and go with it. I want my daughter to have the things I could only dream of when I was her age. I want to make my family proud of me.

My interactions with people play over and over in my head. If I make a mistake around people then I will think about it and it will get me down. I am really fucked up in the head that way.

I was looking at this guy tonight and he was an example of everything I was not. He was out going the girls loved him and he seemed like he had everything in order. For all I know he could be a fuck up, but what I saw made me really want to be like him. I have never been known as the cute guy or anything like that. I am that guy women will fuck when they really need to get laid and don't want their friends to find out. My confidence has been high lately and that is always a good thing.

I love English class. I am always looking forward to that class for some reason. Is it because I have a crush on the instructor? Or is it because she actually teaches me and reminds me of everything I love about teachers? I hope it is the second one because it would be awkward otherwise.

I like it when people say that they enjoy my comedy. I just want to make people laugh and on occasion think about stuff. I also want to get laid, but I will take what I can get.

-Riley