Just my luck

I bought a car, but it wasn't the one I had my eye on. Looking back at the decision I do not know what I would have been able to do, but I would not have bought the car I have for sure. It is a 1996 Maxima. It looks good. I had my eye on a 1998 Pontiac Grand Prix GTP. The Maxima has 152,000 miles and the Pontiac had 92,000. You would think the no brainer would be to get the Pontiac. I had to ponder this because the Grand Prix had prior damage to it. Well, I just went with the Maxima because I was afraid of the pending cost to repair things that was not repaired/replaced in the Grand Prix. Now, I have a $700 dollar repair bill to fix the Mass Air Flow Sensor. The part alone is about 500 bucks. This has me down big time. I made the dumbest of dumb choices and it is going to eat me up forever. I could have had a 240 hp car with under 100,000 miles on it. It was like God himself sent me this gift and I ignored it because I thought there was a lot of stuff wrong with it. Maybe I am wrong, What if 2,000 dollars of damage happened to the Grand Prix. I would be sitting here typing about how I missed a chance at a 190 hp little rocket (with a nice backseat). No matter what I am a damn idiot.

Went to take the car to the shop and that is where they told me I could pay 1,056 bucks to get everything done on it or pay 756 to get the part and have it put on. M called me and I told her and she says, "Well, I don't want to say I told you so." Whenever people say that to me I want to pimp slap them on the chin. When you say,"Well, I don't want to say I told you so." What you are really saying is, "I told you so." See this is because I got pissed because her and her brother-in-law kept nitpicking over shit that was wrong with the cars I was looking at. Her brother-in-law would tell me what was potentially wrong with the car. She would tell me how the car smelled and how the seats look. You see the level of importance of the two? So she thinks I didn't ask Mario to go with me because he would have just turned down the car. In fact, that is far from the truth. I didn't ask him to come because 1) he works all day why would he want to mess with cars with me. 2) he has a family that wants him there more than I want him to check out car with me.

I beat myself up a lot about my life and how I fail at it, but I have no other choice. Life is defined by the decisions you make, and I have done nothing but make stupid ones. I don't see my kid. I have stopped trying to pay my bills. I don't really care about eating. I just want to be done with everything. Like I said I get down on myself a lot. I never really wanted more than everyone else I just wanted the piece that I worked for. I work for it, but it never seems to come. I think I should just call it quits. Knowing me I would probably fuck that up to. Just my luck.