So I am one of those people that get excited to wake up at 4 in the morning to endure lines at the local electronic store. Well, after all that I was in Wal-Mart when I ran into some ex relatives. As I am making my way out of the store I see what appears to be a meth addict only with teeth....Oh! It is my ex-sister-in-law. She stares. I wave. She stares some more. I walk away. She then calls me over and starts to give me a lecture about child support and seeing my kid. I was not expecting this attack! I was flustered up and all I could say was "I like ham?" (yes I said it with the question mark). Well then I walk away thinking who the fuck is this hoskank talking too? This is the same person that dropped out of school during their senior year and basically walks around with a dick in every hole (and I mean EVERY HOLE). While I am thinking of new terms to call this new breed of heifer I spot my ex-wife ex-mother-in-law and my kid walking out of Wal-Mart and they are not walking out they are practically running. So I get to my car and just watch them run away from me.
To say I was pissed of was one thing. Don't ever step in someones face when you think you know everything but have no fucking clue what is actually going on. That is the biggest thing I hate about having a kid with this woman she distorts the facts so much in her favor that it is now where near the truth. But her skeletor sister did make a good point (I think) and that is I don't see my kid nearly enough. There are a number of things that stop me from going over there to see her. One is I don't pay child support. Not from a lack of trying but from the fact that when you only have about 500 a month and they want 900 in child support it doesn't take a Math major to figure out that you will not be eating like that. I have called and text this woman asking her if we can work out a deal so both sides can be happy. I can take care of my kid and she can use the child support money to buy more KY jelly. But that is not what she wants. She see 900 a month on a piece of paper and dammit that is how much she is going to get!
If this was really about me and my kid she would try to work out anything that can get this settled. But it isn't, it is about money, that has been her driving force since I met her 4 years ago. There is still some emotion when I get over there. She likes to rub her new found success in my face. This heifer would never call me but all of a sudden she calls me just to tell me she bought a new car. Didn't you file for bankruptcy a couple of months ago? Yes, but they will give you a car loan anyway! So the best way for me to keep my emotion down is to stay over here on my side of town. The person caught in the middle really has no idea what is going on. All she knows is that one day we are all together chilling in the backyard next thing you know she is coming to spend a couple of hours with me to watch over the hedge.
I blame no body but myself for this turn of events. I try to avoid conflict so much that I often neglect the ones who care about me the most. And nobody loves daddy like his baby girl. I tried to make a mends but it was to no good. I still feel like I should have said more to the hoskank (that is my term don't steal it) but I didn't want to blow up in Wal-Mart. Because nothing says dysfunctional like a fight with relatives in Wal-Mart.
So what I do now? I don't know. I should have ran after them to just look at my kid again. I should have never abandoned her to be with those crazy ass white folk (but not you white folks reading this ya'll ok!). I can not change the past I have to make the things I have learn now prepare me to make better decisions in the future. Out of everyone though you would think I would have stuck by her side. She is probably the only person that will look at me the same no matter what I have done. And I will do the same for her. It is not to late to make this work out, what I have to do is not let what her mom say to others to make herself look like a victim bother me. What I have to do is man up and take care of my responsibilities and right now that means calling up a lawyer to help me get this child support taken care of and at the same time make sure I get back in there with my kid. When you love someone you can not do it from afar you have to touch them and let them know they are wanted or that warmth that you gave them when you were near will fade away and you may never get to love them again.
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